Doll parts

He’s shagged Susan Lynch, stolen a bus (causing pensioners to miss their regular game of bingo!), blown up a house (using its central heating system!!) at precisely 6pm and much, much worse in Cracker… attempted to blow up a London railway terminus, as a terrorist in Spooks… mutinied, then had his back flayed for his trouble, in Hornblower… and, if all that wasn’t enough, he wasn’t a particularly pleasant character in Survivors either… but Andrew Tiernan never short changes the viewer. Andy, as he was credited in this week’s episode of Doctor Who, always turns in a bloody good performance. He played the landlord of a rundown block of flats in Bristol, demanding rent money with the menacing aid of his bruiser-of-a-dog, Bernard! Andy had many of the story’s best lines and moments, bemoaning there was nothing to watch on television except thirty-year-old repeats of Bergerac. Lord knows why he was tuned into Yesterday if he was after the boxing! He brilliantly got sucked into his mangy old carpet much to the total disinterest of his pet but, best of all, was his transformation into one of the demon dolls! Possibly the finest use of special effects since Richard Wilson grew a gasmask in the first series.

Then there was Daniel Mays, whose career continues to be in the ascendancy. ITV3 have been running the 2007 movie Atonement, in which he co-stars with James McAvoy, a romantic drama where a man is accused of a rape he didn’t commit. More recently, Daniel attempted to sort out Gene Hunt’s nick, not the easiest task you can imagine, in the third-and-final series of Ashes To Ashes before being banished to the outer reaches of the solar system in Survivors-style drama Outcasts. In Doctor Who he played Alex, father to a little boy, George, unsure how to connect with his son’s phobia of the dark - when all the scary things come out to play. Boy George turned out not only to be adopted but also alien, living his life in fear of rejection. The coming together of father and child, at the story’s climax, was a pure Railway Children moment, and all the more moving for that! If you’re going to “borrow” then do it from the best!!

And the man who wrote Night Terrors, which may well turn out to be this year’s finest episode of Doctor Who… well, all his previous scripts have been set in the past whereas his latest is set in the present day. He tackled Dickens in The Unquiet Dead, when the novelist was in the last year of his life and about to embark on The Mystery Of Edwin Drood, while Christopher Eccleston was The Doctor… bullying in The Idiot’s Lantern, set during the Queen’s Coronation in 1953, was his next choice of subject after David Tennant had taken over the role… and, after a few years away from writing for Doctor Who, he returned to the fold, last year, to pen Victory Of The Daleks, in which the pepper pots from Skaro were outgunned by Matt Smith, with a great deal of help from the forces and spitfires assembled by a certain PM Winston Churchill. I’m talking about Mark Gatiss, author of all three, whose latest (fourth) instalment of everyone’s favourite science fiction series also included the death of a dear, little old lady by multiple black bin bags! Maybe it was because she looked like Patricia Hayes whilst sounding like Frank Spencer?! When Steven Moffat relinquishes his post as show runner, and assuming he wants the responsibility of the top job, surely Mark is his natural successor.

Knickers in a twist

It’s always a pleasure watching Deep Blue Sea on ITV2 - if only for the moment, about twenty minutes from the end, where Saffron Burrows strips out of her rubber wet suit, ostensibly to use it as insulation, to reveal her perfectly toned body… clad only in the most pristine-as-the-driven-snow bikini/underwear you’ve ever seen! She’s been through ordeal after ordeal and yet the two-piece swimsuit looks brand new - not a blemish on it!! One of the three augmented sharks is dead. There are two left and one is headed straight for her as she tries to retrieve her research into a cure for Alzheimer’s. Saffron has managed to get out of the water by climbing onto a conveniently positioned table. She notices some cabling to a light and decides to rip it from the wall and shock the shark. Cue the Alien rip-off as the gorgeous girl undresses down to her undies in preparation for the battle with the big beastie! In a way I prefer this inferior version of the scenario, simply because I happen to think Miss Burrows is better looking, and sexier, than Sigourney Weaver. Maybe that’s because Saffron has softer features, being an English rose, compared to the harder facial characteristics of the American?

You may have seen Saffron Burrows in other productions. She first came to my attention when she appeared in Dennis Potter’s Karaoke, and adorned the front cover of the Radio Times, fifteen years ago. She’s also more than a little corrupting in the feature film Enigma, concerning the war effort deciphering codes at Bletchley Park alongside Kate Winslet’s more straight-laced character. In Deep Blue Sea, Saffron’s female co-star is Antipodean actress Jacqueline McKenzie. She’s a bit of a looker, too. But, by the time our heroine is warding off one of the nasty monsters in her panties, juicy Jackie has sadly already bitten the dust. Except it was the shark doing the biting! I first saw Miss McKenzie in a three-part BBC adaptation of Ben Elton’s science fiction novel Stark, which also co-starred the author himself doing a spot of straight acting. Staying in the genre, Jacqueline is probably best known now for playing the lead in The 4400, a series detailing the return to Earth of a large group of alien abductees… all on the same day.

I hate rap! As far as I’m concerned, it’s the most tedious and monotonously nauseating noise ever marketed to and inflicted upon a gullible, musically illiterate, general public. However, if you want to know how many eggs to break to make the perfect omelette then LL Cool J is your man - and, no, I don’t have a stutter! That’s the rapper-turned-actor’s moniker but you won’t hear his recipe by tuning into Saturday Kitchen! LL is, actually, quite likable as the chief cook and bottle washer in Deep Blue Sea. When not gawping at Miss Burrows, keep an eye on the chef’s verbose parrot, as well as Samuel L Jackson’s equally loquacious moneyman. I guess that’s what happens to pets and politicians who talk too much! If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, you’ve at least a couple of surprises in store! Despite Mister Cool J’s winning performance, I could’ve done without his closing theme song. Although, having said that, my head is like a shark’s fin when it comes to breaking the surface to take a peek at the sexy Saffy almost in the altogether. I only wish the camera had dwelt a little longer on her shapely form. Still, the lens certainly covers some interesting angles!

Are you going to the party?

Along with reruns of the 45-year-old Batman series, one of the most enjoyable things on television, at the moment, is BBC Four’s repeats of 35-year-old episodes of Top Of The Pops. Yes, most of it is absolute tosh but each instalment usually contains a gem or two. And I’m not talking about the beautiful Babs - dunno what her name is! This week’s programme opened with Steve Harley And Cockney Rebel performing George Harrison’s Here Comes The Sun from their Love’s A Prima Donna album. Great to see the band again, especially Duncan Mackay on keyboards whom I was lucky enough to meet in Bristol after a 10cc gig. It was the week they were No. 1 with Dreadlock Holiday. Even though not enough rock fans know his name, Duncan has been to the top spot on no less than three occasions, the other two being Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me), by the aforementioned Rebels, and on Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights. Also playing with Steve were the incomparable George Ford on bass, guitarist Jim Cregan, later to join Rod Stewart and more recently Katie Melua, and Stuart Eliot on drums, a regular fixture on the early Kate Bush albums.

This week’s edition of Top Of The Pops: 1976 ended with the brand new number one having been on the chart for three weeks according to DJ presenter Dave Lee Travis. Elton John and Kiki Dee’s duet Don’t Go Breaking My Heart also happened to be the first time Reg reached the top. Can’t claim to have met Mr. Dwight but I did spend a whole day once chatting to the lovely Miss Dee. In the late Seventies, and on-and-off throughout the Eighties, I worked in a record store and she paid us a visit. All our customers seemed too shy to come up and talk to her so we got chatting about the record industry. Pleasant lady and, although Elton is good fun in the recorded performance, Kiki sings her part better despite the bespectacled one being the more famous of the two. The pair displaced a certain Greek singer, perhaps now more notorious for being a favourite of Alison Steadman’s character Beverley in Abigail’s Party! I mentioned Doomwatch and Holby City actor Robert Powell’s wife Babs earlier but, by this time, regular dance troupe Pan’s People had been replaced by Ruby Flipper, still choreographed by the recently deceased Flick Colby however. If my memory serves me well, the mix of girls and boys would soon revert to girls only with Legs And Co.

During the course of Wednesday’s TOTP, we were also treated to another showing of the original performance (of two) of The Boston Tea Party by The Sensational Alex Harvey Band. In 1975 I bought their album Tomorrow Belongs To Me as well as their live single Delilah, the same song previously recorded by Tom Jones but here given the full rock treatment. Captain Sensible, of comedy punk outfit The Damned, would later ape this when he recorded Happy Talk from the musical South Pacific. The late Alex’s appearances on these repeats has led to a resurgence of interest for me in the music of SAHB. In earlier editions, Bryan Ferry’s been on a couple of times performing Let’s Stick Together with guitar legend Chris Spedding, aided-and-abetted in the whooping department by Texan beauty Jerry Hall, better known to Roxy Music fans as Prairie Rose and the cover girl of their fifth album Siren. Best of all though was the absolute joy of seeing the original 10cc performing I’m Mandy, Fly Me from their masterpiece How Dare You! Shot a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody video, but sadly nowhere near as commercially successful, Lol Crème, Kevin Godley, Eric Stewart and Graham Gouldman performed to perfection. Again, and apologies for being such a name dropper, I was lucky enough to meet the latter two at the same Colston Hall concert as Duncan Mackay. The colleague with whom I went told the band we’d hyped Dreadlock Holiday to number one. I could’ve shot him - with Rubber Bullets!

Relative Relations

It’s been the subject of mass debate as to why the Doctor keeps stroking bits of his TARDIS. He’s sometimes seen dusting his console with his handkerchief and spends copious amounts of time fiddling with his knobs. Yes, as well as having two hearts, he presses more buttons than anyone else in the universe! And now we know why. His little old Police Box is the love of his life. And when it materializes inside a young woman not unlike the one in the above picture, it transpires - in private - he calls her sexy. Never did I imagine I’d be looking at a picture of the Doctor’s space/time machine wearing such a pretty bra! It’s about time Suranne Jones appeared in “Doctor Who” - she’s already acted alongside the fifth Doctor, Peter Davison, in “Unforgiven” and the tenth Doctor, David Tennant, in “Single Father” as well as guest starring in “The Sarah Jane Adventures” as Mona Lisa. She’s still best known, perhaps, for playing feisty factory girl Karen McDonald for four years in “Coronation Street” which she left in 2004.

In “The Doctor’s Wife”, the fourth episode in the current series of “Doctor Who”, Suranne plays Idris whom cult fantasy-author Neil Gaiman hinted “might just turn out to be an old acquaintance with a new face.” Long term fans surmised as to whether or not it could possibly be renegade Time Lady the Rani, reborn in the same way as the Master. Then there’s the name Idris. Could this be a clue? IDentity RIver Song?! But it turned out to be neither of them. Much more cleverly, the story explored the relationship between the Time Lord and his erratic machine, while in human form. At the outset of the adventure, Idris lives with Auntie, Uncle and Nephew, who are raggedy people - patchwork folk put together from bits and pieces of travellers lured to what has become a junkyard world. Suranne’s character has got all her own bits, as most men will have noticed, but if she’d stayed in the same environment any longer, who knows, she might have found she’d got a new limb which didn’t belong to her! Understandably a little bonkers, Idris bites the Doctor! Tough job, acting!!

Goosebumps

The moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived. No, not the passing of the Royal wedding, for which we’re all eternally grateful, not even the start of the thirty-second series of “Doctor Who”, the sixth if you’re a newbie, for which we’re even more beholden, but the day in which Claire Goose exposes her lovely lady lumps on television for the first time! It’s been a long time coming. She’s now 36, married and mum to Amelia. In the past, she’s posed for lads’ mags in her underwear, set our pulses racing in a nurse’s uniform, as Tina Seabrook in “Casualty”, but never before has she plucked up the courage to get her tits out. Tonight, in “Exile”, all that is about to change. It’s been described as her first ever nude scene despite wearing skimpy briefs throughout. Presumably she could’ve asked to keep her bra on if she’d felt too exposed but Claire trusted the director. It’s an important scene where the couple aren’t just having sex, something that’s seen earlier, but are making love for the first time. No doubt John Simm, her partner in the three-part serial, running on successive evenings at 9pm on BBC1, put her at ease and was very masterful!

Claire plays barmaid Mandy, a mother-of-two trapped in a lifeless marriage who embarks on an affair with a journalist called Tom (John Simm). Sacked from his job and dumped by his married girlfriend, Tom Ronstadt heads back up North to see his sister Nancy (Olivia Colman) and their father Sam (Jim Broadbent), a man nursing a dark secret but now in the grip of Alzheimer’s. Sam was originally due to be played by Pete Postlethwaite, who died in January. Jim heard the part had become available and thought, “if it was good enough for Pete, it’ll be good enough for me”! Jim’s mother had Alzheimer’s so he already knew a fair bit about it from her case. But, “Exile” is not a story about Alzheimer’s. It’s a psychological thriller about a man who can’t remember and another trying to get a secret out of him. “Exile” starts as a domestic drama, with some dark humour, but then turns into a thriller. So, there are plenty of reasons to tune in, not just the lure of seeing Claire in the altogether, although, admittedly, that is a major draw however brief, but the prospect of being entertained by some exciting television. Warden’s one to watch!

Warden’s Watch: Primeval - Series Four, Episode Four

“Primeval”? Unbelievable! Very watchable but totally unrealistic. It’s not the idea of a horde of rampaging deadly therocephalians breaking through a time anomaly, while on the lookout for their next meal, which I have difficulty accepting but the reality in which these fantastical notions are set. In this week’s episode, similar to the one set in a shopping mall in the second series, a Saturday morning school detention is thrown into chaos by prehistoric events as indeed they would be if only the classroom antics were remotely plausible. The synopsis in my listings guide led me to expect to see “the pupils run riot”! Well, there were only three students being punished and they all seemed pretty well behaved to me. Dickheads but models of middleclass respectability! The two lads in the trio had made a nasty smell in the chemistry lab - probably something they ate at lunch! - so, instead of the teacher encouraging their obvious enthusiasm for the subject, the poor lads get a bollocking. These days, I don’t think teenagers would be detained for such a minor misdemeanour. And, if they were, they’d probably tell the teacher to fuck off rather than give up their free morning - assuming they attend school in the first place. Then there was the wee lassie completing the group, supposedly Miss unattainable! She was a proper little madam, snotty, antisocial with her iPod (why wasn’t it confiscated?) while unattractively dressed - mixing a short skirt with leggings. I can’t imagine what the boys saw in her!

I am sick of being told, about any series, that the latest season is darker than previous efforts. Still, it was certainly the case with the latest instalment of “Primeval” - so poorly lit I couldn’t see a thing! Seriously though, the darkness was laid on with a trowel, signposted in big black letters by the early demise of the supposed school princess, while bouncing up and down on a trampoline in the gym! Two series ago, Professor Cutter rescued a little girl who went through an anomaly after her dog. She was safely returned to her stepfather, their relationship miraculously restored, but, three years later, the little bitch in the latest adventure has to die. Yup, it sure is gloomier these days chasing dinosaurs. Hannah Spearritt’s character, Abby, has also become even more of a misery guts than she used to be. In series one, she used to prance around in her knickers, better dressed then than she is now! Give her some credit though, she has stayed with the show longer than Billie Piper stayed with “Doctor Who”. And, on the plus, there is a new girl working at the Anomaly Research Centre (ARC) who, I’m happy to report, does have a keen dress sense. Ruth Kearney plays operations controller Jess Parker who is more than a distraction from all the excesses of the CGI! Whether or not she would be so impractically dressed brings me neatly back to the question of credibility though I can’t have it both ways. Make up your own minds should you choose to watch the repeat tonight at 8pm on ITV2!

Warden’s Watch Special: Highlights of the Year

It hasn’t been a particularly memorable year for those of us interested in brilliantly-crafted television drama. The fifth series of new “Doctor Who” was disappointing but my expectations weren’t that high to begin with. I worried that, under Steven Moffat, the stories would become increasingly esoteric and my fears proved well-founded. One of the problems is that, creatively, the most-successful stories written by both the new Executive Producer and Mark Gatiss were the ones they wrote back in 2005 for Christopher Eccleston! It’s a bit like Ben Aaronovitch trying to top “Remembrance of the Daleks”, in the late Eighties, and coming up with the vastly-inferior “Battlefield”, itself a reworking of one of his earlier scripts. The irony is that the finest story of the year to feature the new, eleventh, Doctor, played brilliantly by Matt Smith, was one of “The Sarah Jane Adventures”! And, to compound the irony, “Death of the Doctor” was the one written by Russell!! It almost made me feel sorry he’s gone and I’m sure that that was his intention. This third story in the fourth series of “The Sarah Jane Adventures” was equalled, if not bettered, two stories later by Rupert Laight’s “Lost in Time”, a two-episode reworking of an entire twenty-six episode (“The Key to Time”) season of classic “Doctor Who”. With segments reminiscent of “Ghost Light” and “The Curse of Fenric”, and another nodding to the Hartnell historicals, the story gently acknowledged the 47th anniversary of “Doctor Who” with the dateline of the newspaper cutting which the three adventurers had initially set out to investigate.

Aside from stories set in space and time, another mainstay of 2010 has been the continuing dreamlike-investigations of American “Medium” Allison DuBois. Freeview viewers have got as far as Season Five while, if you subscribe to satellite, then you’re enjoying Season Six and, for the more impatient among us, Season Seven episodes have been materialising on the internet from the early hours of Saturday mornings for the ten weeks up to the beginning of December with the remaining six scheduled to resume in the New Year! It’s a miracle the show is still with us, having been picked up by CBS after cancellation, while other series, such as “Heroes”, have fallen by the wayside. Back in the UK, we were treated to the second, and sadly final, series of “Survivors” which I believe to be a more successful reworking of an old hit than the reincarnation and enduring saga of everyone’s favourite Time Lord. Why the BBC have picked up ITV’s “Primeval” and dumped their own is beyond me! I wasn’t as enamoured by Season Six of “Hustle”, at the beginning of the year, as I was Season Five in 2009, despite guest appearances by Brian Murphy, Colin Baker and Danny Webb. Last year it was given a new lease of life with the introduction of two new regular characters, as well as the return of a familiar face, so, by this year, the con seemed to have settled back into a familiar routine once again. On the other hand, “Spooks” has benefited from the introduction of new characters! Still not as good as when Rupert Penry-Jones led the cast, Season Nine was a distinct improvement over recent years. “Luther” was this year’s detective success story, although I’m sure there are those who preferred Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss’s modernisation of “Sherlock”, but it doesn’t look as though the BBC know where to take Idris Elba’s character next as there isn’t to be a second series as such, just a couple of one-hour specials! Bizarre or what?!

The real triumphs of the year came in the form of selected repeats. I’m not talking about the endless rotation of “Inspector Morse”, “Poirot”, “A Touch of Frost” and “Foyle’s War”, for the older generation on ITV3, or the constant repetition of “The Sweeney”, “The Professionals”, “Minder” and “The Prisoner”, for real men on ITV4, as good as all these series undoubtedly are, but a couple of gems that have surfaced on Yesterday. First was a rerun of the six-part Dennis Potter serial “Lipstick on Your Collar”, originally a Channel Four conclusion to the musical trilogy begun and continued on the BBC with “Pennies from Heaven” and “The Singing Detective” but much-underrated in their shadow! Secondly, and unquestionably one of the ten best series ever to come out of Britain, the two seasons of “Colditz” have recently enjoyed a long-overdue re-screening. The first season is the most consistent, especially when dealing with the psychological aspects of imprisonment rather than boy’s own heroics, while the second suffered a smidgen after the “escape” of Edward Hardwicke’s Pat Reid though his replacement, a new character in the German ranks played with thorough viciousness by Anthony Valentine, aids the drama in delving into the infighting of Nazi politics of the time. There’s no incidental music to tell you what to think or how to feel just bloody good writing, acting and directing from the likes of “Doctor Who” stalwarts Michael Ferguson and Terence Dudley. They just don’t make thought-provoking series like “Colditz” anymore.

Warden’s Watch: Medium

During 2009 the programme that became a regular viewing fixture for me was “Medium”. BBC Two ran repeats of the first four series, mostly in double bills, during the early hours of Saturday mornings. Living has shown Series Five in the UK and now Freeview viewers have a chance to see it on Virgin1. Meanwhile, in the States, Series Six has just completed airing. There are a total of 117 episodes (16, 22, 22, 16, 19, 22). While both “Heroes” and “Ugly Betty” have fizzled out after just four seasons apiece, “Medium” is quietly stronger than ever. On paper “Medium” doesn’t look as though it should work. It’s a supernatural-cum-detective-cum-domestic drama about a housewife, Allison Dubois, whose dreams help solve crimes. Sounds ludicrous but it’s terrific.

As regular readers may know, I’m not keen on kitchen sink anecdotes in fantasy stories. It’s the main reason why Steven Spielberg films aren’t a favourite of mine. Spilling milk on the wood-panelled floor adds unnecessary clutter, getting in the way of a rollicking good adventure! In “Medium”, however, the family scenario is the programme’s most interesting feature. That’s not to say the show falls down elsewhere. Dream sequences are often imaginatively constructed while the information needed to solve the criminological puzzle can be disseminated non-chronologically. It seems ironic that I can relate more easily to the domestic arrangements and traumas of this fictional American family than I could those of the Tylers in “Doctor Who”!

Cast in the lead role, in “Medium”, is Patricia Arquette, best known hitherto for her performance in Tony Scott’s “True Romance”. I suspect the original casting director, on the television series, may possibly have remembered her from “A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors”. Despite having wildly different iconography, the essential scenario of a “Medium” episode and an instalment in the “Elm Street” franchise is the same - criminal enters the dreams of the protagonist. When at home, Allison’s husband Joe is her moral compass, while, at work, District Attorney Devalos and Law Enforcement Officer Lee Scanlon perform the same function. However, it is Allison and Joe’s three daughters who invariably steal the limelight! Bridgette, the middle child, is just the right side of precocious in her curiosity over all things worldly. Maria Lark’s performance is the best I’ve ever seen by any child actor while Sofia Vassilieva, as eldest daughter Ariel, is thoughtful and stunningly beautiful. “Medium” is a marvellous mixture to mull over!

Warden’s Watch: Doctor Who - Series Five, Episodes Four to Six

The new series of “Doctor Who” continues to be a mix of the good and the downright awful! Episodes four and five, “The Time of Angels” and “Flesh and Stone”, attempt to develop ideas from two of Steven Moffat’s earlier stories, the Weeping Angel statues from Series Three’s “Blink” and Alex Kingston’s River Song from the two-part library story of the Fourth Series. I like the former, not so keen on the latter! All this “sweetie” nonsense, and continued reference to “spoilers”, is a bit cringe-making. For heaven’s sake, it was only in the previous story, “Victory of the Daleks”, that the Doctor called one of the pepper pots “sweetheart”! Despite liking the statues in the Carey Mulligan episode, I’m not so sure it was a good idea to bring them back. The new story seemed to virtually ignore the original concept of what happens to an Angel’s victims. Less importantly, but nonetheless irritatingly, the Doctor loses his jacket to one of the stone beasties, at one point, then, unseen by the viewer, somehow manages to retrieve his tweed threads by the end!

The best scene in the Fifth Series, so far, came in the second part of the Weeping Angel yarn. I’d go so far as to say it’s the best scene since Jefferson’s eulogy to Scooti Manista, four years ago, in “The Impossible Planet”. I’m talking about the marvellous dialogue between the Doctor and Father Octavian upon the latter’s demise. Genuinely moving. The trouble is, it is almost immediately undermined by the ending of “Flesh and Stone”. New “Doctor Who” does this a lot. It’s afraid to capitalise on truly emotional moments. What does Moffat do? He has new companion Amy come on to the Doctor in the most ludicrous manner. We’ve been there before. Russell did all that ad nauseam… for five blooming years! I’d hoped we’d put such crassness behind us. At first I thought it was padding because the story had under run again, like the Dalek episode two weeks earlier, but its dubious purpose is to set up a ménage à trois between the Doctor, Rory and Amy exploited during the sixth episode, “The Vampires of Venice”, written by Toby Whithouse - the man behind “Being Human”, the “Doctor Who” episode “School Reunion” and the “Torchwood” episode “Greeks Bearing Gifts”.

And what a flippant beginning to the much-awaited vampire tale. It would’ve been amusing in any other drama but “Doctor Who”. We’d already had Amy as a WPC kissagram, in the opening story of the series, and so we return to the idea with the Doctor replacing the stripper at Rory’s stag night! I was hoping for some genuine gothic horror, just for once, but “The Vampires of Venice” is undermined before it has barely begun. Why does the series try so hard to be domestic just to appeal to the “EastEnders” crowd? Why doesn’t it simply be itself? It managed it for twenty-six years. I don’t buy into the notion it had to change to appeal to a modern audience. Only if said audience lacks intelligence! (There is a current series does domestic brilliantly, by the way, even though it’s ostensibly a supernatural drama. I won’t reveal its name here as I hope to devote a future post to it.) The vampires themselves were terrific looking, as you can see from the above picture - a scene reminiscent of the Haemovores breaking in through a vestry window in “The Curse of Fenric”, while their two leaders were portrayed suitably seriously until being revealed, predictably pseudo-scientifically, as “fish from space”! “They bite”!!

Warden’s Watch: Doctor Who - Series Five, Episodes One to Three

It’s “Doctor Who”, Tim, but not as we know it! The much-loved science fiction fairy tale is back and it’s still as beleaguered with problems as under its previous show-runner. On the plus side, gone are the gratuitous references to homosexuality which Russell T Davies forced upon his audience every episode - John Nathan-Turner was gay too, but didn’t see the series as the place to air a personal agenda - and, better still, gone are all the companions’ annoyingly-grating mothers. Rose, Donna, Martha - they all came with one! It’s already established, in “The Eleventh Hour”, that Amy’s parents are dead and that she lives with her aunt. We’ve never had that before in “Doctor Who”! I was also hoping new Executive Producer Steven Moffat would drop the season-umbrella idea, so poorly realised previously with Bad Wolf, Torchwood and Saxon, and keep the stories self-contained. But the crack in the wall in the first episode and again this week, at the end of “Victory of the Daleks”, coupled with Amy’s lack of memory concerning the events of “The Stolen Earth” suggest these ideas are the running themes of Series Five.

Upon his arrival, Mister Moffat indicated a desire for all things new. New Doctor, new short-skirted rather than trouser-wearing companion, ghastly new opening titles in which the actors names are almost unreadable, terribly uninspired new logo, the worst arrangement of the theme tune ever, new - better than the last one - TARDIS console room, new lick of paint for the old Police Box, and now five new impressively-oversized individually-coloured Daleks! But all these things are cosmetic. It doesn’t really matter that much which actor plays the Doctor, ask Tom Baker! What you really need are superbly-written scripts and both “The Beast Below” and the Dalek extravaganza were too short for their good ideas to be fully realised. We’ve been landed with the same format, ten stories over thirteen episodes, when we’d be better off with just six stories over those same thirteen instalments. The classic series’ four-parters were ideal in length, structured a bit like a traditional symphony. If you want superficial then forty minutes is fine but, if you’re looking for substantial, one hour forty minutes is preferable. There was never any need for this change in format when the programme originally returned in 2005. The one thing they should’ve retained they threw out with the bath water!

The “new” Executive Producer has held onto those blessed stallholders much beloved of RTD. We met them in “The Long Game”, we met them in “Gridlock”, we met them in “The Fires of Pompeii” and again in “Turn Left”, and up they popped most recently onboard the Starship UK. These villains return more often than the Daleks! The stallholder, one of many ideas “borrowed” from the JN-T era, was better realised by Peggy Mount in “The Greatest Show in the Galaxy”. Then there’s the obligatory gunk-tank, splattering all and sundry, firstly whenever there’s a Slitheen around, next getting messy in the canteen kitchen in “School Reunion”, and now hurtling down a tube into slime onboard, yes you’ve guessed it, the Starship UK! And where are the Doctor’s table manners? Compare the Tenth Doctor’s eating habits in “The Unicorn and the Wasp” with those of his successor in “The Eleventh Hour”. Both very very mucky!!! I did admire how writer Mark Gatiss managed to cram all three best things from Christopher Eccleston’s single year into a single episode, namely an historical figure, new-look Dalek and Blitz-ravaged London. Churchill was fun, the pepper pots buggered off too quickly and the Second World War setting always works in “Doctor Who”… just watch “The Curse of Fenric”!

Dreamy Lady

The Second Season of “The Tudors” concluded recently on BBC Two and was promptly released on DVD on Monday, as was a set containing both last year’s run together with this latest offering. The total of twenty episodes reached a grisly culmination with the heartless execution of Henry VIII’s second wife Anne Boleyn. I think this was a shame! And, for all her stoicism, I expect she probably thought the same!!

Why do you think Anne’s death was a shame, Tim, I hear you all cry? Well, it means actress Natalie Dormer won’t be in the next series! History should’ve been rewritten in order to accommodate a lady with such gorgeous eyes. Some may think them narrow but that is part of her beauty. She positively smoulders.

Even when in danger of losing it, the girl kept her head! The doomed royal had Hans Matheson hear her last confession… that she hadn’t actually done anything wrong!!

Ironically, Hans, as the dastardly and corrupting Alec d’Urberville, in “Tess of the d’Urbervilles”, had donned preacher’s robes over on BBC One, whereupon one of our heroine’s milkmaid chums comments that he doesn’t look much like a man of the cloth…

Obviously, the producers of “The Tudors” thought otherwise. But, Hans could do nothing to save the lovely Natalie, despite the repeated postponement of her wanton slaying due to the late arrival of the axe man. And, I’m not talking guitar heroes here!

Warden’s Watch: Bonekickers & Spooks: Code 9

The BBC doesn’t seem to be having much luck with some of its latest fantasy-drama output! I watched the first episode of “Bonekickers”, “Army of God”, on BBC One, and decided that, amongst its many faults, the series’ title is four letters too long!! I didn’t watch any more, not feeling the need to dig deeper into this illogical archaeological nonsense. I tuned in, in the first place, because “Bonekickers” is written and produced by the same team who brought us “Life on Mars”, and that series’ excellent sequel “Ashes to Ashes”. And, because Martha’s sister, from “Doctor Who”, is in it! I can only presume “Bonekickers” is an attempt to replicate “The Da Vinci Code” for television with a touch of “Indiana Jones” thrown in for good measure. Unfortunately, it appeared ludicrous and, with the inclusion of a gratuitous decapitation of a Muslim, at the hands of ex-“EastEnders” actor Paul Nicholls, over the top… I believe a second series has already been commissioned!

Hot on the heels of the BBC One disaster, and switching to BBC Three, follows “Spooks: Code 9” which I haven’t really warmed to either, although, in this case, I have stayed with the series so far. That’s probably, solely, because Georgia Moffett plays one of the MI5 operatives! I am a fan of parent series “Spooks” and especially enjoyed its Fourth Season, when the show seemed to start all over again with renewed grit and determination. The spin-off killed one of its main characters in the opening episode, obviously inspired by the notorious demise of Lisa Faulkner’s character, Helen Flynn, in the second episode of the original. “Torchwood” had already copied “Spooks”, in killing off Susie, in its debut story so, by now, it’s all getting to be rather old hat. The remaining cast of hip young things with poor diction, in “Spooks: Code 9”, includes (from left to right) Andrew Knott as Rob, Georgia Moffett as Kylie, Heshima Thompson as Jez, Liam Boyle as Charlie, Ruta Gedmintas as Rachel and Chris Simpson as Vik… Only two more episodes to go, thank goodness!

Warden’s Watch: Twins of Evil

It’s fifty years since the studio affectionately known as Hammer Horror began making movies to scare the panties off their busty heroines! As part of the celebrations, a few words devoted to one of the company’s finest vampire offerings, screened on BBC Two in the small hours of Saturday morning, seem appropriate. Unlike the “Dracula” series, with director John Hough’s “Twins of Evil”, released in 1971, the inspiration isn’t from the pen of Bram Stoker but J Sheridan Le Fanu, albeit interpreted rather loosely. It’s the last in a trilogy of films centring on the legend of the Countess Mircalla/Carmilla/Marcilla Karnstein, begun with “The Vampire Lovers”, continued through “Lust for a Vampire”, and my favourite movie to feature the much-missed Peter Cushing. Here, though, he isn’t playing Van Helsing but a witch hunter called Gustav Weil, rather in the mould of the “Witchfinder General”.

The beauty of “Twins of Evil” is in the blurring of lines between who is the hunter and who the hunted. Good and evil are Twins of the same coin when both lead to the deaths of innocent young women (if there is such a thing!). The title, taken more literally, stars real life twins and “Playboy” playmates Mary and Madeleine Collinson, as Maria and Frieda Gellhorn, who, while undeniably stunning to look at, aren’t exactly the world’s finest actresses. But, the young women more than visually compensate, for any minor verbal inadequacies, and contribute to making “Twins of Evil” a very stylish and sumptuous picture. Harry (credited as Robinson) Robertson’s incidental music strangely makes the film feel like a western at times and, amongst the many delights on offer, concludes with the gruesome decapitation of one of the sisters! But, which one? A gloriously gorgeous gallery and a tantalisingly titillating trailer can be found on my “Jukebox”!!

Warden’s Watch: Journey’s End

Disappointment set in right from the outset of the concluding episode of the Fourth Season of Russell T. Davies’s reincarnation of “Doctor Who”. I wanted the writer to go through with the regeneration and have a brand new Doctor conclude a story begun by his predecessor. But, it wasn’t to be. In fact, instead of having no David Tennant, we were actually presented with two of the pesky fella! And, there was me wishfully thinking he was about to get another week off!! It’s not that I dislike the actor, just not overly keen on his portrayal of the character, although I’ve grown to accept it a little more over the recent series. As if to compound my dissatisfaction with the opening of the final instalment, up pops Rose’s Mum, Jackie. Lovely woman and all that, just not my cup of tea. Very convenient, too, that both Rose’s ex, Mickey, and Mrs Tyler should appear, out of the blue, armed to the teeth, guns aimed directly at the two Daleks about to exterminate the suddenly-rather-fragile Sarah Jane Smith. The suddenly-rather-comely Gwen Cooper was also saved by something hitherto unmentioned that the late Toshiko had been working on before her death. Altogether, too convenient. At least, in the case of the Doctor, the resolution of his part in the previous episode’s triple cliff-hanger had been properly set up, that the hand would have its part to play in the denouement of the adventure. The other two instances were cheats, like a whodunit in which the murderer is revealed to be someone who hasn’t appeared in the story until the moment of revelation! It’s not the first time “Doctor Who” has resolved certain demise with the Saturday morning cinema serial approach. 1985’s “The Mark of the Rani” immediately springs to mind, in which a character is inserted into the recap, at the start of the final part, rushing out of a wood to save the seemingly doomed Doctor from the clutches of dastardly death!

Just imagine how different the episode might’ve been had a new dynamic been set up by suddenly, and surprisingly, introducing us to the eleventh Doctor. It would have taken the story, and indeed the series, in a completely new and much welcomed change of direction. I suppose Russell wasn’t ready to do that just yet and, instead, presented the viewer with the ultimate tease. A simple rule of drama is the tighter you tighten the tension, when the balloon is burst, it’s more than likely to be something of a let down. Davies made it hard for the story to recover from this point in and, sadly, it didn’t. Robert Holmes turned down the offer to write “The Five Doctors”, in 1983, citing too many leading men as the reason. And, despite there being plenty of space, the console room of the TARDIS became overcrowded in “Journey’s End” through the writer’s inability to resist this shameless get-together. Because of this, the participation of Davros is restricted. The scientific schemer doesn’t reappear, after last week’s reintroduction following an absence from our screens of almost twenty years, until nearly twenty minutes into the extended second half of the story and is despatched approximately twenty-five minutes later with still over fifteen minutes to run. Yes, on second viewing, I was watching the clock. A whopping twenty-five percent of the final episode is taken up with tearful farewells, making it even more soppy than the gushing conclusion of “Doomsday”, two years ago. On the plus side, Julian Bleach was terrific as Davros and, maybe, deserved more air time considering the iconic stature of the character within the series. Unless you believe less is more which, in just about every other aspect of the production, wasn’t the case. The other standout performance, and not just here but throughout the entire Fourth Season, was that of Bernard Cribbins, a consistently strong character. I like him. I could’ve done with a little more of Eve Myles in her red sweater, too, but that’s a personal preference rather than a dramatic one! Like the two Peter Cushing movies of the Sixties, this was good Dalek material whilst being lousy “Doctor Who”.

Warden’s Watch: The Stolen Earth

Julian Bleach, as the fourth actor to portray Davros, is possibly the best piece of villainous casting in “Doctor Who” since Christopher Gable donned mask as Sharaz Jek in “The Caves of Androzani”, way back in 1984, and certainly the most full-blooded commitment to an adversarial role since Nabil Shaban’s Sil. What a contrast to John Simm’s ridiculously childish portrayal of the Master last year. It’s a little unfortunate the audience has had to wait so long for a performance of this quality but I knew Julian would be near-perfect from the moment I saw him as the Ghostmaker in the “Torchwood” episode “From Out of the Rain”. And, judging from the trailer for the final instalment, the sixty-five minute “Journey’s End”, it looks as though Davros is about to become even more maniacal! Not quite sure what he’s going to do once he’s destroyed every last atom, when there’s nothing left over which to have dominion, but it all sounds like tremendously good fun once you put logic to one side!! It was inevitable diehard fans would claim Mr. Bleach not as good as original Dalek creator Michael Wisher and it’s a fair comment, since the earlier performance set the benchmark just as Hartnell did the Doctor. I enjoy Terry Molloy’s portrayal of Davros just as much, especially in “Revelation of the Daleks”. His trademark cackle has switched characters, now, and Nick Briggs turned in a good vocal performance, in “The Stolen Earth”, especially as demented Dalek Caan. It’s interesting to note that virtually the entire Kaled race are now verging on complete insanity. Makes for entertaining viewing on a Saturday night, eminently preferable to the equally barking Graham Norton on quest to find himself a Nancy.

I thought it a little unnecessary, in the presence of so many characters, to explain the absence in the latest episode of other regular cast members, from both the mother show and spin-offs. Especially when the explanations were so weak. Gwen told Rhys to stay indoors for goodness sake, when there is a bloody great Dalek Invasion of Earth taking place. Considering his participation during some of the Season Two episodes of “Torchwood”, hardly likely. Sarah Jane told her son not to do anything as she headed off to find the Doctor. Why not put such a brainy child to good use? And where was she off to, exactly, in her car for said meeting with the Time Lord? Why didn’t Sarah just mow down the two Daleks in her path rather than braking? That part of the triple cliff-hanger came across as contrived, not the fault of actress Elisabeth Sladen or director Graeme Harper but writer Russell T. Davies. Eve Myles was the real revelation, here, showing guts and determination as Gwen, futilely opening fire upon the Daleks in the face of doubtless annihilation. Some have likened Rose to Sarah Connor in the “Terminator” series but I saw little evidence of it in Billie Piper’s performance other than manhandling a large weapon! Gwen was the one with the balls and she carried it off rather stylishly. She looked fetching whilst screaming defiance, too, not an easy feat to accomplish in but a few seconds. And, finally, there was the start of a regeneration for the present Doctor. David Morrissey is playing the “other” Doctor in the forthcoming Christmas Special so are we about to be introduced to him an episode earlier than expected? Can’t wait to find out…

Warden’s Watch: Midnight

I found myself groaning as the latest episode of “Doctor Who”, named after the planet “Midnight”, began in the usual comedy-laden style of Russell T. Davies but, by its conclusion, realised I had been thoroughly gripped. In a bizarre twist of the pen, episode ten was much more terrifying than the preceding two-parter by Steven Moffat, which I admired more than enjoyed. While Moffat’s adventure was experimental in nature, RTD’s story was more a case of horror by the book, though none the worse because of that. Once it got past its silliness, “Midnight” became thoroughly scary. In fact, the throwaway lightness of the opening moments only served to heighten the horror once it kicked in. Possession is always a reliable storyteller… with no need for monsters so obviously human in rubber suits. What you can’t see is often more frightening than what you can because once something is visible you can make an assessment as how, best, to deal with it.

I’ve always found Lesley Sharp to be a reliably good actress. In this week’s episode of “Doctor Who”, she played her role, as being under the influence of an unknown alien entity, for all she was worth. She didn’t look down on the show as, somehow, being dramatically inferior. Even Rusty in his writing capacity, obliged to let us know Sky was a lesbian, didn’t manage to ruin it for Lesley with his too often-repeated personal agenda! David Troughton, also, sustained a good performance as Professor Hobbes, even giving those of us with long televisual memories welcome hints of his “A Very Peculiar Practice” character, Doctor Bob Buzzard! Loved it when he shook hands with the Doctor. It was like the ghost of his dad, Patrick, greeting the present incarnation… though Troughton junior’s been in the show in his own right of course, notably as King Peladon, during the run of his father’s successor.

Much of the pre-publicity for “Midnight” focused on Lindsey Coulson because we’re all supposed to know who she is from “EastEnders”. But, not being a watcher of soaps, the BBC’s presumption was lost on me! Having looked it up, I’m able to inform those of you in a similar position to myself that she played somebody called Carol Jackson!! And, naturally, that leaves us all none the wiser!!! I was more interested in one of her co-stars. The production team seems to have developed a penchant, this year, for actresses with the Christian name Ayesha. “Planet of the Ood” featured Ayesha Dharker as Solana Mercurio and, now, “Midnight” introduced us to gorgeous “Grange Hill” actress Ayesha Antoine as the Professor’s put-upon prodigy Dee Dee Blasco. Curious how the younger characters in this story were shown as smarter than their elders. Older folk are not necessarily immune to new ideas!

Unlike Miss Dharker in the earlier episode this season, Miss Antoine survived to the end of the current story which, in itself, makes a refreshing change. Not everyone lived in Russell’s latest, a contentious issue since the conclusion of Moffat’s overly-optimistic recent opus. “Midnight” saw the demise of all three crew members together with the possessed passenger, the ship’s hostess taking the latter in a moment of self-sacrifice. The suggestion the hostess knew the Doctor wasn’t human was a nice touch, though I’m sure there will be those wanting an answer as to how she knew rather than just enjoying the joke. Rose appeared briefly again, still in a state of distress, unseen by the Doctor who had his back to the monitor on which she appeared to call his name. Next week, we’ll be able to see Billie Piper in full, so to speak, but the Doctor will have to wait that little bit longer…

Warden’s Watch: Out of Time

While “Out of Time” is the title of one of the better episodes in the first series of “Torchwood”, it is also the name of the most recent chapter, to be broadcast on BBC Two, in the continuing epic that is “Heroes”. The seventh instalment of this increasingly surreal drama bore witness to both separation and reunion. While Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) and Caitlin (Katie Carr) were heartbreakingly ripped asunder, clinging to each other’s fingertips through wire fencing, and while Hiro (Masi Oka) felt duty bound to leave the love of his life in feudal Japan, it was life-affirming to see best mates Ando (James Kyson Lee) and Hiro back together again in the present day… and about bloody time! I’m not sure keeping these two wonderfully harmonious characters apart for a seeming eternity was such a wise idea. But, without their prolonged separation, their reunification wouldn’t have been half as joyous.

Though it has clearly slowed down the series’ progress a little, I haven’t disliked entirely the strand set in the seventeenth century, that curious ménage à trois involving Hiro, Yaeko (Eriko Tamura) and Takezo Kensei (David Anders)! This bizarrely beautiful love story is quite clearly a reworking of Edmond Rostand’s “Cyrano de Bergerac”… but without the big nose! The cliff-hanger revelation, at the end of “Out of Time”, that Takezo and Adam Monroe, one of the founders of the company, are actually one and the same caught me completely by surprise. For those who are interested, I’ve posted ten screen caps of cheerleader Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere), from series one of “Heroes”, on TimeWarden’s Jukebox. I look forward to watching the remaining four chapters of this series hoping for a return to full length come season three.

Warden’s Watch: The Doctor’s Daughter (or… Hello, Father-in-Lord!)

Twenty years ago, in “Silver Nemesis”, we were promised a story that would change the way we’d see the Doctor forever! Well, forever is a long time and the Sylvester McCoy/Cybermen story, not surprisingly, didn’t deliver the anticipated change in our perception of the lead character!! Now in its forty-fifth year, “Doctor Who” decided to have another attempt, in this week’s episode “The Doctor’s Daughter”, titillating the viewer with exactly the same proposition, but, once again, fell short of the mark. That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. I did! In fact, it’s probably my second favourite episode of the season so far, as, despite overstating the story’s intention with the preceding hype, there was still much to commend it. The audience was, successfully, taken on that emotional journey of feeling the pain, and sense of loss, in daughter-heroine Jenny’s death only to feel the joy, moments later, in her resurrection. She didn’t regenerate, despite being the offspring of a Time Lord, but it was a purposeful twist in the tale of which the Doctor is, at present, unaware. I would love to revisit this new character, at some point, and the end seemed designed for a spin-off series. I can already hear groans of disapproval, but surely a show about a space-girl adventurer would go down far better with today’s children than one about a sixty-year-old reporter, however much we all love Sarah Jane!

The Hath were highly effective. When the creatures were all stood around stroking dear Martha’s hair, they reminded me of the Silurians in their lair, from their original 1970 adventure, whilst not looking dissimilar to their cousins the Sea Devils. We’ve had four good consecutive monster episodes of which I approve. And, speaking of Miss Jones, her reaction to the death of her new found Hath friend, Peck, was totally heartbreaking. Freema does have the acting range which some deny of her. I am guilty of the same regarding Catherine Tate. My mum, certainly not a fan of Tate’s sketch show, says this actress is highly believable in the role of companion, as the Doctor’s conscience, and I’m inclined to agree. The former “Runaway Bride” is coming across as a more complete human being than she ever did in her debut. Yes, she can still be extremely irritating but, at the same time, touching and isn’t that how most people are? Before you all start claiming that that’s a bit of a turnaround, in my feelings towards Donna Noble, I’m not entirely sure I haven’t lowered my expectations just a little, this year, in an attempt to enjoy the show more than hitherto! And, my mum might well enjoy Catherine, more than Billie, for the very same reason I suggested children might prefer Georgia Moffett, legs astride a giant rocket, kicking butt in her own action series.

I enjoyed Nigel Terry’s performance as General Cobb, but then I’m already partial to the actor. Having said that, I wasn’t greatly enamoured with Phil Davis as Lucius, in “The Fires of Pompeii”, and I admire him as well. So, it doesn’t automatically follow that, just because you like someone, you’ll always warm to a favourite actor’s every appearance! Nigel has that world-weary, downtrodden, look and deeply sonorous voice that make him ideal in such roles. I was disappointed to find no wallpapers of him on the BBC site. And, while I’m on the subject, it’s even more of an oversight that there are no images of Bernard Cribbins, as Wilfred Mott, either! Talking pictures, I’ve posted a small selection of uncropped screen caps in a new “As Seen On TV” feature on my Jukebox blog, as well as the episode’s three teasers, that I hope capture the essential spirit of the main storyline of “The Doctor’s Daughter”. I’m not sure I’ll enjoy next week’s episode quite as much. On the plus side, “The Unicorn and the Wasp” is directed by Graeme Harper, who made such a good job of “Planet of the Ood”, but, alternatively, I don’t much care for the Agatha Christie subject matter. I’d be only too happy to be proved wrong, though, and make it five good episodes in a row!

Warden’s Watch: Planet of the Ood (or… Ood, Glorious Ood!)

I’ll lay my cards immediately on the table and let you all know that I absolutely adored the latest episode in the new series of “Doctor Who”, “Planet of the Ood”! It’s as big a surprise for me as it is you, dear reader!! In spite of Tate, regardless of Davies and notwithstanding a rather naff gag dependant on, admittedly minimal, knowledge of “The Simpsons”, I would love it if the programme were like this more of the time. I confess I’d been looking forward to this episode, more than any other, because the Ood story from two years ago is my favourite of the tenth Doctor’s era, to date. Ironically, considering my preference for the classic series, but not being particularly partial to the Sontarans, I haven’t been looking forward to next week’s two-parter nearly as much! One of the things I like about these Ood tales is the turning on its head of the master-servant/slave relationship. Usually, it’s the humans who are subjugated in “Doctor Who”, not the aliens. At the start of the story, a mystery is quickly inaugurated for the Doctor and his companion to investigate when the pair chance upon what-is-soon-to-be-revealed-as a red-eyed Ood dying in the snow whose last words plead, “The circle must be broken”. The whole setup of this adventure is very similar to that of “Revelation of the Daleks”, with the fast-fading Ood being comparable to the forgiving mutant near the start of the earlier escapade. Both stories feature a trudge through snow, from where the TARDIS has materialised, across an alien landscape. Both include the aforementioned preliminary confrontation before reaching the hub of the action. And, both deal with the nature of conducting business while, perhaps revealingly, both are directed by Graeme Harper! It doesn’t take the time travellers quite as long to reach their destination in “Planet of the Ood”, however, as it did the Doctor and Peri twenty-three years ago!!

As “Planet of the Ood” hurtles towards its climax, the Doctor and Donna make an alarming discovery. Huddled together in a cell, singing the song of captivity, are a group of natural born Ood, unprocessed, before they’re adapted to slavery, unspoilt. They carry their secondary hind-brain in their cupped hands. Donna finds the music overwhelmingly unbearable, emotionally speaking, and asks for it to be taken away. I used to have the same problem whilst spinning discs for customers, when working in a record shop back in the Eighties! Joking aside, the use of music here is exemplary, for once, and connected to a warning in the final moments of this sequel, when, speaking to the Doctor, an Ood forewarns, “I think your song must end soon. Every song must end.” Earlier, the Doctor offers stunning marketing manager Solana Mercurio, played by the beautifully named Ayesha Dharker (pictured), the hand of friendship which she briefly considers then rejects. She proceeds by betraying both him and Donna at the first available opportunity, not being able to step outside her own small, seemingly secure, world of the workplace. This is a minor moment of momentous tragedy, more real than any of the nonsense concerning the separation of Rose from her mentor at the end of Series Two! And, the themes of this Ood episode have resonance, not just emotional content. We are privy to a great big (business) empire built on slavery, witness to battery-hen farming for Ood-kind. There is a slowness and precision in both manner and movement of the Ood which makes them a very dignified race of beings, and that is key to their success. As Tennant said in the following “Doctor Who Confidential” documentary, “Oods and Ends”, “they are benevolent and non-invasive”. By way of contrast, this time round there are also rabid Ood, perhaps comparable in concept to rogue Cybermen as seen in “The Invasion” and “Attack of the Cybermen”.

I guessed, before “Planet of the Ood” commenced, that the Doctor wouldn’t be able to resist mentioning the “real” snow, on this occasion, as opposed to the raining ash etc of previous instances! I also predicted the fate of Tim McInnerny’s Klineman Halpen, when he first commented upon his hair loss ten minutes into the episode, even though the manner in which it happened was still a pleasant surprise! Transformed into the very creature he’s been abusing, it’s not quite as agreeable for the character as the viewer but justly deserved, nevertheless, for both murder and as amoral “owner of the franchise for selling Ood, domestically, across the known and unknown galaxy”!! A nice commentary on the nasty and seedy nature of business, generally, I thought. I hope Sir Alan was watching, though I’m not sure he would heed any message even if attuned to literary subtext! The enemy within Halpen’s company was successfully disguised throughout by the discreet performance of Adrian Rawlins, as much put upon Dr Ryder, having been a friend of the Ood, working for their release, for the past ten years! The almost-chanted and oft-repeated phrase, “Doctor, Donna, friends”, will no doubt pass into the folklore of the programme though I’m more likely to remember the Time Lord’s criticism, “Who do you think made your clothes?” As producer Susie Liggat indicated, “Planet of the Ood” is a really important story about liberating repressed people, a metaphor that can be applied the world over both on a personal level and globally. Writer Keith Temple fashioned what-turned-out-to-be a very old school episode of “Doctor Who”, and good on him!!

Warden’s Watch: The Invasion (or… Lifting the Lid on the Cybermen!)

With the news that a pair of Cybermen have been photographed stomping round a cemetery in Newport, filming for this year’s “Doctor Who” Christmas Special, it seemed an appropriate moment to look at the story I consider to be their finest hour! That “The Invasion” is also Wendy Padbury’s best “Doctor Who” serial is a happy coincidence, as well as the fact that this eight-part epic just happens to be my second favourite “Doctor Who” story. When I was consciously choosing an order of preference, perhaps some twenty odd years ago now, it was a toss up between this Cyber-adventure and the previously discussed, ecologically minded, “Fury from the Deep” as to which should claim pole position in my affections, and the tale of the demented seaweed won out in the final analysis! Incidentally, it’s about time the producers of the new version of “Doctor Who” resorted to using one of the programme’s giants as villains in their seasonal offering. The creative choices taken, thus far, to fill the Christmas episodes have been quite odd, to say the least. The Doctor hardly appeared in the first, we were treated to a screaming bride in the second and the third relied on the notoriety of an unsinkable ship that sank! Personally speaking, I’ve always wanted to spend my Christmas with a Dalek!! I know… there’s no accounting for taste! Anyway, onto the main thrust of what I hope will be a very buoyant discourse…

“The Invasion” was directed by Douglas Camfield, the most-assured figure to work in this capacity on “Doctor Who” at any time in the programme’s history, and therein lies the strength of this serial. The Cybermen look very good on screen, due partly to the superb new costumes designed for them by Bobi Bartlett but perhaps more particularly to Douglas Camfield’s excellent direction. The helmets, for example, were now a lot bulkier in appearance with the addition of what can perhaps best be described as “tyres”, preventing the notorious handlebars from attaching directly to each side of each creature’s face. The teardrop effect, on the underside of each eye, was retained in the revamp but dropped from the lower lip, which became wider and narrower. It hadn’t been long since the monsters, originally from Mondas with Telos as their adopted home planet, were last dispatched by the present TARDIS incumbents, with only two five-part serials separating the earlier “The Wheel in Space” from the creature’s surprise reappearance halfway through this escapade. The first repeat of a complete adventure in the programme’s history, “The Evil of the Daleks”, undoubtedly helped put some distance between the two Cyber-serials. One of the really good things about “The Invasion” is the Cybermen’s seeming indestructibility. Attacking them with all manner of military hardware does nothing to stop their inevitable nihilistic onslaught…

Like the second William Hartnell Dalek serial, “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”, “The Invasion” benefits enormously from the use of location filming around familiar London landmarks. Whereas, in the earlier story, we were treated to Daleks patrolling the likes of Westminster and Trafalgar Square, in this Cybermen outing the aliens appear through street manholes from out of the sewers, at the end of the sixth episode, to march triumphantly down the steps behind St. Paul’s Cathedral. It is, indeed, an imposing sight. Also something of an arresting display, and without skirting around the issue, Wendy Padbury’s and Sally Faulkner’s knickers are frequently revealed! Douglas would insist on filming things using low camera angles!! The director had the reputation for organising his shoots with military precision!!! He’s also responsible for my favourite episode of “The Sweeney”, “Thou Shalt Not Kill”, which prominently featured another lovely of the day, Harriet Philpin, better known to “Doctor Who” fans as Bettan in the second half of “Genesis of the Daleks”. As for the Cybermen themselves, and despite not having much dialogue in “The Invasion”, they would never again be this good. After their fifth and final black and white story, writers seemed to forget that the creatures are supposed to be emotionless, when terms like “Revenge” and “Excellent” started creeping into future scripts! They seem harder to write for than Daleks, with only “The Tomb of the Cybermen” being truly comparable in quality to the pièce de résistance that is “The Invasion”.