Opening salvo

Doctor Who will return in September, this year, with an opening episode entitled Asylum Of The Daleks! Sounds intriguing. In the season which celebrates the programme’s Fiftieth Anniversary, in 2013, what better way to start than with a story that promises to feature every single Dalek design ever seen in the series, since its inception in 1963, on screen simultaneously. This is how a series of Doctor Who should begin. Go in with all guns blazing! Some fans sometimes suggest the Daleks are overused, especially since the show’s return in 2005. But the statistics don’t really support their argument, even if it seems as though the pepper pots from Skaro are always popping up. It’s true that, in the general public’s eye, the mutant creatures are synonymous with the series. When Catherine Tate joined Doctor Who as companion Donna Noble, the actress assumed the Doctor battled the Daleks every episode… clearly a big fan! The two Peter Cushing Doctor Who films, of the 1960s, did much to reinforce this notion, so it is understandable. Never underestimate the importance of the Daleks in regards the popularity of Doctor Who. You’re less likely to do so, I think, if you grew up during their initial heyday, rather than in the programme’s second decade where the makers of the series perhaps became less interested in harnessing their full potential.

Pictured with current Doctor Who regulars, Matt Smith and Karen Gillan, is an appropriately dust-and-cobweb-covered version of a Dalek not seen in a Doctor Who adventure since 1967! I see this particular metal menace every night, before going to bed, and each morning, before my Malt Bites, because a scale model resides on my dressing table. Personal problems aside, this Dalek-type last saw the light of day in the original Series Four finale The Evil Of The Daleks. This seven-parter was supposed to herald “the final end” of the Daleks whilst creator Terry Nation tried, unsuccessfully, to flog them to the Americans. Apart from the first-ever repeat of an entire serial, a year after its initial broadcast, and not counting the odd cameo, the Daleks wouldn’t be seen again in the series until the beginning of Season Nine. With the exception of episode two, which saw the introduction of my all-time favourite companion Victoria Waterfield played by Deborah Watling, The Evil Of The Daleks is one of many stories missing from the BBC archives - Exterminated by the carelessness and crassness of bureaucracy! The Daleks themselves would be proud of such vile annihilation. It’s also the adventure many fans would most like to see recovered. Fury From The Deep is top of my list but Evil is second.

Much of the filming for the new Seventh Series of Doctor Who has been taking place abroad. The Producers must be onto some good package deals, considering the show has always been so budget conscious! But, they’ve visited Spain and are currently in the United States. Specifically, Matt, Karen, and Arthur Darvill are presently recording in Central Park, Manhattan - the very location of the David Tennant two-part Dalek adventure from five years ago. Except, David, and Freema Agyeman, never got to visit New York for the story, using Cardiff as a double instead! It reminds me a little of when Janet Fielding (Tegan) left the series, back in 1984, only for the next story to be partly shot in Lanzarote! Incoming Nicola Bryant (Peri) had all the benefits!! It seems unlikely the Daleks will also be revisiting Manhattan Island, as the logistics would surely make this impractical, but you never know what’s around the corner in the worlds of Doctor Who. They’ve shipped a red double-decker bus out to Dubai, in the past, so what’s a multiplicity of Daleks?!! In a television universe that’s seen fit to abandon Survivors, Outcasts, Spooks, Hustle, Medium and even Doctor Who Confidential, not to mention banishing the 53-year-old Blue Peter to CBBC, in favour of interminable coverage of both the Olympic Games and Queen’s Jubilee, I, for one, am looking forward to the next series of Doctor Who!

The Prettiest Star

The viewing public often think the term Best Actor or Actress applies to how good looking they find a particular personality, whether on television or in movie theatres! This is, of course, not the case. The term refers to those lucky few ladies and gents who have honed their craft to the pinnacle of perfection, as perceived by their peers. This piece isn’t necessarily about them but, as an heterosexual male, concerns women I think have been blessed with extraordinarily good looks, those with a pleasant face who are nice to look at. If these ladies are really fortunate, they may possess a talent as well! My selection is purely subjective. Some men, no doubt, find Clare Balding better looking than Marilyn Monroe. But a pleasing persona is equally important. If one is irritated by particular phrases or quirky mannerisms, an otherwise perfectly charming member of the opposite sex is going to come across as unattractive, dare I say ugly! But, I’m not going to dwell on those unfortunates; rather move swiftly on to the gals with bucket loads of charisma and oodles and oodles of sex appeal…

As a child, I found myself attracted to some of the actresses playing the companion in Doctor Who, namely Anneke Wills, Deborah Watling and Wendy Padbury. I had a crush on pop singer Sandie Shaw and was disappointed when Gabrielle Drake failed to make an appearance in the latest episode of UFO. As I moved into my teenage years, I was torn between Jenny Agutter and Judy Geeson. Jenny is gorgeous as an abandoned schoolgirl in the Australian outback in Walkabout, and as “Stay off the line, Bobbie” in The Railway Children, but is at her most perfect in dystopian science fiction thriller Logan’s Run. She and Judy both featured in Churchill-kidnap saga The Eagle Has Landed while Judy and Debbie went on to appear on television in Danger UXB. Judy’s sister Sally was an added attraction to ITV sitcom Bless This House. Some of Hammer’s finest, also the James Bond franchise, partly owe their success to the added glamour of starlets such as Linda Hayden and Caroline Munroe. As the Seventies drew to a close, Sandie was usurped by “the pull of the bush”, Kate Bush!

By 1984, the black and white dollies of the Patrick Troughton era of Doctor Who found themselves giving way to the ample charms of Nicola Bryant. Judy and Sally Geeson made way for another pair of acting sisters, Caroline and Susannah Harker. Susannah made her name in productions such as House Of Cards and Pride And Prejudice while Caroline achieved much the same in Middlemarch, Moll Flanders, Fay Weldon’s Growing Rich, and with David Jason in A Touch Of Frost. Never much of a fan of this plodding detective drama, I didn’t minded watching an episode if WPC Hazel Wallace was in on any action! More recently, I’ve been drawn to Medium, remembering Patricia Arquette from Eighties’ horror-fest Dream Warriors, the third instalment of A Nightmare On Elm St., only to fall for her onscreen daughter Ariel, portrayed by upcoming actress Sofia Vassilieva. Sofia is, quite possibly, the most stunning looking girl I’ve ever seen and yet she seems to carry herself with such poise and grace. Jenny Agutter and Caroline Harker have been joined in my affections by sweet Sofia!

Santa banter!

I’d like to take the opportunity to wish readers of this journal a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous, or perhaps in the current economic climate that should read preposterous, New Year! Don’t worry, the ordeal will be over in a few days!! Then, we can stop kidding ourselves and get back to the real world. Why so many of us, sheepishly, centre our hopes and dreams around these few days when it might be just that little bit warmer during August, I’ll never understand. Still, the children seem to like it and that’s all that matters, right? As long as I don’t have to listen to that awesomely awful, utterly insincere, record by Mariah Carey (again), I should be able to keep my thoughts to myself.

What is there to distract each and every misery guts, like myself, on the big day?

There are at least five different versions of the Scrooge story on terrestrial television, on Christmas Day, to keep us company. If you’re up really early, you can catch “Dani’s House” at 7am on BBC2 in a seasonal repeat entitled “Scrooge Tube”. Harmer’s annoying younger screen-brother learns the true meaning of Christmas when visited by the ghosts of Christmas past.

“Scrooged” is on Channel 4 at 1pm if you prefer your comedy American. Bill Murray plays a TV executive planning a season of violence for the festive break. I still have my light blue “Get SCROOGED With BILL MURRAY” badge which I was given by a rep to promote the film back in 1988. In fact, I’m wearing it. You think I’m joshing?

Staying across the Atlantic, “The Grinch” is on ITV1 at 3.10pm. Dr Seuss’s cult children’s favourite “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” gets the big-budget Hollywood treatment in this seasonal spectacular from director Ron Howard. More detailed reviews of these two films can be found on page 82 of the current Radio Times. Other listings magazines are available.

Quintessentially British, despite originally being (partly) devised by a Canadian, “Doctor Who” is back on our screens at the Unearthly hour of 6pm on BBC1. In “A Christmas Carol” the only way the Doctor can rescue Amy and Rory, trapped on a crashing space liner, is by saving the soul of a lonely old miser played by Michael Gambon. I don’t have the foggiest what’s in the fog!

Ending up back where we started, on BBC2, “Blackadder’s Christmas Carol” is at 8.35pm. Like “Scrooged”, this special was made in 1988 but flips the traditional Dickens’ story on its head. And, if you’re in need of something with a pretty “Doctor Who” companion, this extended episode briefly features Peri actress Nicola Bryant. What more could you want?

The NICOLA BRYANT Years 1984-86

Most of my favourite “Doctor Who” companions hail from the 1960s. Carole Ann Ford was the original, back in 1963. She played Susan Foreman, the Doctor’s granddaughter, over the first ten stories. In her final story, “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”, the Doctor told her she was in need of a good smacked bottom. Perhaps that’s why she left! Anneke Wills personified dolly bird Polly, who saw Hartnell regenerate into Troughton. Poor old Pat didn’t know what hit him when she wore a t-shirt to rehearsals with the slogan “Bring back Bill” emblazoned across her chest!! When Anneke left the series to marry “The Celestial Toymaker” Michael Gough, whom some of you may know better as Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred, her immediate successor was Deborah Watling. As Victoria Waterfield, she was adopted by the Doctor when her father was exterminated in “The Evil of the Daleks”. She left for a spot of rumpy-pumpy with David Essex in “That’ll Be the Day”!!! And, last but not least, the diminutive Wendy Padbury played squeaky-voiced computer boffin Zoë. Between takes, Padders took the occasional nap until, one day, Doctor Pat and Jamie-actor Frazer Hines decided to undo her skirt, in a church, with disastrous consequences when she woke and stood up to greet the incumbent vicar!!!!

I say “most of my favourites” because the exception to the rule is Nicola Bryant. Peri Brown joined the TARDIS crew, two decades later, in the mid-1980s. And what an entrance! Many fans assume she spent her entire time on “Doctor Who” in a bikini because of the first episode of her debut adventure, “Planet of Fire”. However, it is true that she spent some of her time in tightly fitting leotards and hot pants! In “Attack of the Cybermen” she sports a nice little bright-pink number until the Cybermen come over all caring and suggest she change into something a little warmer, more suitable for the cold climes of the tombs on Telos. Luckily, Nabil Shaban’s Sil wasn’t as thoughtful on Varos! Here Peri dons a super little bright-blue outfit for the entire serial. A couple of stories later, while opposing Laurence Payne’s Dastari’s illegal time-travel experiments, she’s back in skimpy shorts shaping up to the Sontarans in “The Two Doctors”, the excuse for her attire, this time, being that it was filmed in Seville, Spain… where it’s hot! But, hey, I didn’t mind!! I pretty much thought Peri looked perfect during the tail end of season twenty-one and for the whole of season twenty-two!!! Following the hiatus, Peri’s appearance changed for the first two stories of “The Trial of a Time Lord”. Gone was the cute bob, maybe inspired by Jenny Agutter’s hairstyle in “Logan’s Run”, to be replaced by a longer permed cut and more sensible clothes. Michael Grade had ruined everything!!!!

Almost a quarter-of-a-century after Nicola’s departure from “Doctor Who”, I’m happy to report that all is not lost! As of today, Monday, 14th June, 2010, Miss Bryant’s three-year portrayal of Peri is now available complete, to drool over as-and-when you choose, on DVD. With the release of “Planet of Fire”, partly filmed in Lanzarote… where it’s even hotter, all her adventures are, at last, available on disc. Coupled with a Special Edition of the story, on a separate disc, featuring an augmented soundtrack, “Planet of Fire” forms part of the boxed set “Kamelion Tales” and is complemented by the earlier two-part Peter Davison adventure “The King’s Demons”. At the RRP of £29.99, or even with a moderate discount, it’s fairly expensive for what is essentially six twenty-five minute episodes of “Doctor Who” but this is a special case. Well, it’s probably made of card and plastic, like all the others, but you know what I mean! Go on, be a devil, pretend you’re Mark Strickson’s Turlough, for the day, and go rescue Peri from drowning in the ocean in her pretty salmon-pink bikini!

(And, I didn’t even mention Nicola Bryant’s two best “Doctor Who” stories, “The Caves of Androzani” and “Revelation of the Daleks”!)

If I Were Davros…

It’s no secret that under Russell T. Davies I’ve found “Doctor Who” to be severely lacking! Whereas “Fury from the Deep”, a six-part story from the late Sixties, carries an inspiring ecological subtext about the dangers of not replenishing the Earth’s natural resources upon bleeding them dry, modern “Doctor Who” appears to be about nothing in particular except sitting on your arse all day watching the telly on a council estate! No wonder I feel cheated!! If I wanted to watch the latter, I could tune into crap like “EastEnders” or open the back door. I want to watch the former served up as a metaphor featuring weed creatures rising up out of the sea to take their revenge with the aid of poison gas exhaling humans. I want terror not soap. So, if I was about to inherit the mantle of show runner instead of Steven Moffat, how would I go about correcting the numerous mistakes made over the last four series? How would I make “Doctor Who”? What would I do if I had the power, if I were Davros…

The first change I would make to “Doctor Who” is in doing away with the single episode story. They do not give enough time for character or plot development and have all but removed the all-important cliff-hanger from the programme. At present, each season gives the viewer ten stories over thirteen episodes. Keeping the thirteen forty-five minute episode format, I would reduce the number of stories to six, five two-parters would be followed by a concluding three-part season finale. This would also be more cost effective in that you are reducing the number of opening nights by four. Jon Pertwee’s producer Barry Letts was very aware of how best to utilise the budget over a full season.

My next major change would be to do away with the season arc. Under Russell, we’ve had Bad Wolf, Torchwood, Saxon and, most recently, the return of Rose. Without exception, all failures. Each of my six stories would be self-contained, with no linking devices. Trying to keep your audience hooked Russell’s way is doomed to failure if the final episode fails to deliver. Give your public half-a-dozen strongly written, well executed, stories, excitingly concluded, so they’ll want to return for more instead of trying to twist their arm into staying with the programme only to receive a smack in the face like the Doctor at the hands of the parody Master in “Last of the Time Lords”!

Another important change would be to do away with companion’s families. I’m sick to death of the Doctor touching base every other week, at his latest travelling partner’s domicile. It’s alright to start off with an assistant’s familial attachments, such as when Peri was introduced in “Planet of Fire”, but to keep revisiting home turf is way too safe for a series originally steeped in fear and terror. What a shame they didn’t lop off the final fifteen minutes of the concluding episode, this year, and keep it to forty-five minutes, rather than allowing the writer’s excessive over-indulgence. Reign it in, edit, do away with superfluous material. Get rid of the baggage!

One Doctor, one companion. Throughout. No regenerations unless the lead is moving on. If you promise a death, deliver! Russell promised in Season’s Two and Four and went back on his word. Rose didn’t die in battle, unfortunately, and Donna had her memory all-too-conveniently wiped! Absolutely no reset buttons, in any way, shape or form!! I would choose a different writer for each story and, if possible, none would have written for the series before. I wouldn’t insist on writing the finale myself but would like to have a stab at one of the adventures! I’ve no objection to returning monsters, the Ice Warriors - as depicted in their black and white episodes - would be welcome, and wouldn’t insist on naming new ones myself, as Russell did the Ood. I’m pretty certain Verity Lambert didn’t insist Terry Nation call his creations the Daleks!! I think the writer came up with the name all on his lonesome.

So, there you have it. My six-story plan for the next season of “Doctor Who”! I fear it may be too late to give me the job!!

Nicola Boldly Goes!

So, what’s Peri up to these days? Or, more to the point, where can you see actress Nicola Bryant on the TV at the moment? If you don’t know who I’m talking about, Nicola is the lady pictured on the left, with her most famous creation directly above (obviously, unless Miss Bryant has taken to pointing guns at people!). She’s the girl in my avatar. I was going to say bed but that’s wishful thinking and you wouldn’t have believed me if I had! If you scroll down the page or click on the relevant label, she can also be seen receiving bat’s milk from Peter Davison in my earlier post “All Change”! Yup, same lady and one of my all-time favourite “Doctor Who” companions. Doubters will tell you she whined all the time, especially when teamed up with Colin Baker. Sceptics will tell you I adored Nicola as Peri, in the mid-Eighties, simply because she had big tits and wore a bikini all the time. She didn’t wear a bikini all the time, unfortunately! I only wish she had, so I can’t argue with the sceptics! Occasionally, she could be found in shorts but in one of her best stories, “Revelation of the Daleks”, Peri is completely covered at all times… sounds positively feudal! Today, she can be seen in the “Bold 2in1 Teenager’s Bedroom” commercial. It’s good to see she’s in work but the less said about that the better. And, what of the future? Well, if you’re going to bring back so many bloody companions, Rusty, at least include one that I like… Nicola can sniff my towels anytime!!

All Change

Doctor Who Classics: The Doctor Regenerates

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This is a favourite moment of mine from classic “Doctor Who”. It’s not particularly representative of the rest of the serial from which it’s taken, which, it should go without saying, is staggeringly brilliant from beginning to end; even without the addition of this superlative coda. These few minutes were simply the mud-encrusted icing on the richly-refined cake…

Ten Past Five

The new edition of the Radio Times, out today, has a terrific “Doctor Who” cover. The look on fifth Doctor Peter Davison’s face says it all! Mind you, so does the smirk on the face of David Tennant’s tenth Doctor!! Peter is obviously wondering what-the-hell his future incarnation has done to the console room of his TARDIS? David is grinning, confident in the knowledge that he is now the big boss man! It’s a good picture but it does suggest that the “Children in Need” Special, “Time Crash”, is going to be played for laughs. I guess you can’t have an angst-ridden story when its purpose is to raise money for those less fortunate than ourselves. The new episode, written by Steven Moffat, airs on Friday 16th November, exactly a week before the 44th anniversary of the show on the 23rd. It’s interesting to note that the last time two Doctors collided, sixth Doctor Colin Baker with second Doctor Patrick Troughton, was also the last time the Time Lord faced the Sontarans, due to return next year. I wonder if Peter will be bringing any of his former companions with him? I’d love to see Peri again…

Smashed

Dan Starkey is to play new “Doctor Who” companion Mister Potato Head, although in the script he goes by the name of Commander Skorr. That’s him, looking rather butch and just a teensy weenie bit mean, second from the right between Freema and David. I bet Joan Collins, as the Rani, won’t have shoulder pads in his size before regenerating into a younger, more virile, model! Mister Potato Head is, of course, a Sontaran and, together with the Doctor, will fend off evil alien menaces such as Martha Jones, with her prim white coat and unwanted advances, and dastardly Donna Noble, just plain pain and mouthy with it! Catherine Tate, nearly 40, who plays the delightful Donna, has reportedly had problems with her boobs, bouncing in a rather undignified fashion whilst fleeing various encounters of a singularly unnatural kind. Look at it this way, dear… When you are interviewed on the GMTV sofa, next spring, at least you and Lorraine Kelly will have something to talk about!! What an unsightly pair they’ll make, so early in the morning.

I can’t say I think much of the costume. The one in “The Two Doctors” was better…

…While Peri showed off her pins in a rather fetching pair of light-blue shorts trimmed with an orangey-red belt, Donna seems to be sporting an extraordinarily dull-looking set of grey flannels or, as the Americans would call them, PANTS! Oh, you thought I was talking about the Sontaran’s outfit. Yeah, that’s naff too!! As you can probably tell, I’m really looking forward to the next series of my favourite show (of all-time) with more anticipation than ever before. It looks like being very scary stuff indeed. Viewers may actually switch off from the sheer terror of it all. Having seen the pre-emptive publicity pictures, the discerning viewer might not even switch it on in the first place… if they know what’s good for them! Skorr blimey, Guv’nor!!

Pudsey Malone

Do you trust the BBC? I’ve long since lost faith in them. It didn’t take this week’s melodramatic revelations, that some of their competitions were faked, for me to feel this way but it certainly bolstered up my argument against the almighty corporation. The BBC have been found guilty of cheating the public during “Children in Need” and “Comic Relief”, to name but two! Is this not a criminal offence, to encourage the public to spend their hard-earned phoning in, essentially, to simply give it away to big business? Were I a charity, and who’s to say that I’m not (!), I would want to distance myself from such shenanigans. It makes the BBC look like gangsters, fiddling money from people any way they can. It even happened on “Blue Peter”, which makes one think that Fagin is running the show! But, in actuality, television lies all the time, especially in the world of marketing and advertising. Pre-recorded video cassettes used to be sold under the slogan, “Own it for life”! That’s assuming the player didn’t mangle the tape during rewind! Now, you can’t purchase a player assuming you still have the tape! You may still own the tapes, you just won’t be able to use them!! When the digital switchover arrives, you won’t be able to record programmes onto videotape in the way that you used to. There won’t be anything worth recording on them anyway! So, what exactly is the incentive to make the investment in order to be able to carry on watching, once the analogue signal is switched off?

Russell T Davies (Yes, him again! You just knew I’d get around to the “Doctor Who” impresario!!) stated a few months ago that Kylie couldn’t possibly be in the Christmas Special because a woman of her stature would be fully-booked for at least two years in advance. Obviously, this was said to dispel internet rumours. But, the writer lied to the public. He deceived us or, at least, attempted to! The truth is that Ms Minogue isn’t in as great a demand as Russell would have us believe!! In other words, she’s not really as popular as the media want us to think she is. It’s all marketing, hype, lies, to manipulate the public into a position where they will feel compelled to watch. Wouldn’t the world be a better place without it? If Russell puts out a statement that “Voyage of the Damned” will be the biggest and best episode yet, there are gullible people out there ready-and-willing to believe him because he is well-known and in the public eye. It must be the truth, it was in the newspaper or on television! There are some of us, in television la-la land, that feel the very-title “Doctor Who”, as used currently, is a misnomer. The series I understand as “Doctor Who” finished in 1989. The current version hasn’t retained enough of the original’s characteristics. So, is it alright to lie? Is avoiding the truth, in truth, a lie? And, is lying only an issue when it affects us financially?

Lash of the Time Lords

It’s perhaps a little strange, considering my aversion to new “Doctor Who”, that most of my “Doctor Who” posts are on the modern era of the show! I suppose it’s easier to criticise something than to praise it but I do, genuinely, mourn the programme’s loss of innocence that has transpired from the intervening years while the series was off-air. “Doctor Who” used to be fun. A fine example of this is the 1985 story “Timelash”. Not fine in the sense that it’s a particularly good story. It isn’t. But fine in the sense that it’s good fun to watch. It’s entertaining, if only to laugh at the monster which “terrorises” Peri for most of the story’s duration or cringe at “Blake’s 7” star Paul Darrow’s hammy acting, who seems to think he’s in “Richard II”!! He plays Tekker who has one of the best, scenery-chewing, lines in the whole piece as, threatening the Sixth incarnation with almost-certain fatal-death, he exclaims “Save your breath for the Timelash, Doctor. Most people depart with a scream.” Now, if that ain’t a hoot, what is?!! And, Paul’s performance in the story is by no means the worst. That honour must go to Dicken Ashworth who plays Sezon. He delivers some of his lines as if he’s only just learnt how to read!!!

I presume “Timelash” is being made available on DVD, from today, because it features an encounter with a famous author and, in this respect, ties in with the reinvention of the series. Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor criticised Charles Dickens while David Tennant’s upstaged William Shakespeare and, in this new budget-price release, Colin Baker has a close encounter with a young man called Herbert. It’s only at the end of the story that Herbert is revealed to be none other than H. G. Wells, assuming that you haven’t already guessed it by then! But, at least this writer gets a trip in the TARDIS and thus it’s explained how the great social novelist came to script “The Time Machine”. Ironically, this is the novel which inspired Terry Nation’s original Dalek serial where Wells’s leisure-driven Eloi became the pacifist Thals and the underground-dwelling Morlocks were reimagined as “The Daleks” themselves. “Timelash” also suggests that the villain of the two-part story, the Borad, played to great effect by Robert Ashby, ends his days as the often poorly-photographed monster of a certain Scottish Loch! He, no doubt, joins the cyborg weapon of the Zygons, from the earlier Tom Baker serial, which was the original explanation for Nessie in “Doctor Who”!!

When Nancy Upset Bill!

Everybody who saw her, everywhere, remembers Nicola Bryant’s opening episode, as American botany student Peri Brown, in “Doctor Who”! And quite right, too!! It’s recently come to light that an “inappropriate” underwater scene involving Freema Agyeman stripping down to her underwear has been cut from the new series. It might have been better, and more professional unless trying to elicit a little extra publicity, had David Tennant not mentioned it in the first place, then fans would’ve been none the wiser. As it is, many feel we’ll be missing out on something or other! Removing one’s clothes to go in the water sounds perfectly reasonable to me!! It does rather smack of double standards, though, when you consider there have been innumerable occasions, in the last couple of years, when inappropriate dialogue has been broadcast in the programme. God forbid “Doctor Who” should ever resort to the language of all-time greatest TV drama “The Sopranos”! So, is seeing a pretty girl in a bikini or in her underwear really so upsetting? Is visual really more offensive than verbal?

I’d like to spotlight three different instances of such inapposite discourse, in the first season alone, and unfortunately in its three best stories, which I would’ve script-edited out to make the show more suitable for a family audience. The three offending examples are 1) Rose accusing undertaker Gabriel Sneed of groping her while presumed unconscious, in “The Unquiet Dead”, 2) Henry van Statten’s supposedly throwaway line suggesting Adam and Rose indulge in a spot of spooning, in “Dalek”, and 3) Nancy’s threats of blackmail to family-man-and-homeowner Mr Lloyd over homosexual adultery (with the butcher!) in order that he might acquire black market produce during a time of war-induced austerity, in “The Doctor Dances”. Imagine the confusing messages the latter, quite complex, example gives to young children, always assuming said children are paying attention - which you have to assume they are.

Supposedly ace-writer Steven Moffat wrote the third example, unless Russell T Davies added it at a later stage, and it’s by far the worst example in season one. I don’t think Steven intended Nancy to come across as a nasty piece of work but here she is just as amoral as Lloyd, he not because of his homosexuality (although, being illegal at this time in history, it would’ve generally been regarded as such) but because of his infidelity, trading sex for culinary favours, of all things! It’s almost as though Moffat is deliberately trying to provoke and shock a conservative audience by compounding the deceit when all he achieves is to leave a bad taste in the mouth and spoil an otherwise interesting story. All three offending examples are about the personal and thus totally parochial and pedestrian. Classic “Doctor Who” was about universals, and better for it. Much better. None of these three illustrations bother me, as such. Moffat’s would certainly not be out of place in an adult drama such as “Queer as Folk”, or something similar. I just feel sympathetic to any parent trying to explain any, or all, of these ideas to their eight-year olds!!!

“Doctor Who” is lauded as a family show. The BBC keep banging on about how “Doctor Who” has revived family viewing, early evening, on Saturdays. It’s easy to rewrite the aforementioned examples out of a final script before production even begins. Why did the writers even think of including them in the first place? As the scribes that create our favourite show weren’t able to think of anything more suitable, all it displays is a severe lack of imagination. I recently read a letter describing new “Doctor Who” as smug and I thought the writer had a point. To be frank, if it’s perceived as OK to repeatedly include adult sexual inferences and connotations in oh-so-with-it and trendily-modern “Doctor Who”, then why are its producers so frightened about putting the fear factor back into the programme too? Instead of concerning ourselves with domestic issues, which every other show already does amply well, let’s escape from the “real” world for forty-five minutes a week and inappropriately “scare the kids shitless” just like Robert Holmes used to do!

Out with the New…

So, “Doctor Who” has reached its 43rd birthday. What condition it’s in depends on your point of view. For years, long-term fans hoped for its return, me included, and now it’s up-and-running some of us feel it would have been better left alone. I still don’t feel as though the programme, as I think of it, is actually back. It’s “Doctor Who”, Jim, but not as we know it! Anniversaries should be a time of celebration but not necessarily if the recipient is terminally ill. “Doctor Who” has rarely been more popular than it is now, maybe because it’s an altogether different beast from the show that ran between 1963 and 1989, in that it’s supposedly much slicker in its present state, or maybe because the marketing machine that persistently tells us it’s brilliant is simply better oiled than previously, even than what now seems like the halcyon days of John Nathan-Turner back in the Eighties.

Russell T Davies has produced nothing that remotely touches the quality of “The Caves of Androzani” or “Revelation of the Daleks” despite hiring the same director to work on Tennant’s opening year, presumably hoping that some of Graeme Harper’s magic would rub off on the new format. Even when RTD has got close, the executive producer seems intent on throwing a spanner in the works. In “The Empty Child”, for example, in an otherwise inventive two-part story, the only thing this supposedly creative production team could come up with, when Nancy blackmails the homeowner, was a homosexual extramarital affair with the butcher. Does Russell really think it’s hip to fill the minds of ten-year-old children with what boils down to indoctrination through crappy writing? Playing with fairies at the bottom of the garden, in amongst the prickly roses, is perhaps left better to shows that go out later, shows like “Torchwood”.

I suppose it could be argued that “Caves” goes over the top with its violence or that “Revelation” was too explicit in Jobel’s intentions towards Peri. If that is the case, why don’t these stories leave a bad taste in the mouth like some of the scenes in new “Doctor Who”? It doesn’t surprise me that Michael Grade has given the new series the thumbs up. I am surprised that Colin Baker is a fan. There are four serials I would much rather watch from season twenty-two than anything that has been produced in the last couple of years. Maybe I see “Doctor Who” in 1985 through rose-red ruby-tinted spectacles because these were the first serials I had the opportunity to video. But despite retaining these recordings, I’ve still purchased “Revelation”, “Vengeance on Varos” and “The Two Doctors” on DVD! Now, what I want to know is when is “Attack of the Cybermen” going to complete this quartet?!!

Cover Versions

With David Tennant and Freema Agyeman adorning the latest front cover of the “Doctor Who Magazine”, Issue 374, in which you can win a talking K9 no less, I got to thinking about the covers and asked myself when was the last time they printed a full cover image relating to the original series? I discovered that since the magazine, published every four weeks, proudly announced “We’ve Regenerated!” on the front of Issue 352, and dispensed with the staple binding and adopted the new series logo, the answer is never. They got close with Issue 369 which heralded a “Blast from the Past”, and pictured Elisabeth Sladen as erstwhile companion Sarah Jane Smith with the aforementioned doggy, but this was simply to promote latest episode “School Reunion” and thus nothing to do with the original series.

I discounted images of the TARDIS, as seen on Issues 353 and 350, as these are generic and pertain to all eras of the programme. Dalek and Cybermen covers have been specific to the new series such as the gold Dalek featured on the cover of Issue 356, the Emperor on 358, and, more recently on Issue 370, the newly designed Cyberman, followed, on Issue 372, by the newly designed black Dalek. I want to know why there have been no pictures of Jon Pertwee or Tom Baker, for example? Is the magazine, consciously, only wanting to promote itself to those only mostly interested in RTD’s version of the programme, happy to lose those who have remained faithful to the publication while the show was off air? Or, are they hoping to draw fans of the new to the periodical and get them interested in classic “Who” through the articles within?

I do think the occasional cover harking back to the good old days wouldn’t go amiss. Would it really hurt sales that much to remind everyone that the series has a long and very fruitful history? I had to travel back in time almost two years to find a cover featuring something pre new series! Paul McGann and Daphne Ashbrook reunited eight years on from the TV movie, in Issue 351, published on 9 December 2004, to share their recollections with each other and the readership. This still, strictly speaking, isn’t classic “Doctor Who” I hear you cry! OK, then. Travelling back another couple of months to 14 October 2004, and Issue 349, Colin Baker and Nicola Bryant are on the front, promoting a major feature on the radio adventures of the Doctor and his associates. And, those still not happy that even this doesn’t refer to the television series, as seen on BBC1 between 23 November 1963 and 6 December 1989, then there are many covers to choose from prior to this one! I chose it because it’s the last front cover of a regular issue of “Doctor Who Magazine”, to date, to feature an actor who portrayed one of the first seven Doctors. Maybe it’s time for another McGann cover, this time with Sheridan Smith, but with the same headline as the Colin Baker issue, “Radio Activity!”.

"Revelation" Revisited!

I was quite taken with the above photo when I saw it on the "Doctor Who" restoration team's website. It occured to me that, at the time it was taken, three of the four people pictured had worked, in one capacity or another, with both Daleks and Cybermen! One of them had worked only with the Daleks. Almost a year later, it's with great optimism I mention that that fact has just changed. All four have now worked with both. Let me explain...

The picture was taken when the four of them were recording a commentary for last year's DVD release of "Revelation of the Daleks" called "Revelation Exhumed". It reunited them twenty years on from the original recording, "Revelation of the Daleks" being the only "Doctor Who" title with 1985 at the end of the closing credits.

On the left is actor Terry Molloy, best known to radio listeners as Mike Tucker in Radio 4's farming soap "The Archers". To "Doctor Who" fans, he's best known for his portrayal of Dalek creator Davros and the only actor to have played the role more than once! He inherited the part from Michael Wisher's original characterisation in 1975's "Genesis of the Daleks" and David Gooderson's 1979 interpretation in "Destiny of the Daleks". Terry has put on the mask of Davros on no less than three occasions during the Eighties, firstly in "Resurrection" ('84), then in "Revelation" ('85), and finally in "Remembrance of the Daleks" ('88). To keep his reappearance in the latter a surprise, the Emperor Dalek was credited to Roy Tromelly (anag.)! In 1985, he also played a character called Russell in "Attack of the Cybermen"...

Sitting next to Terry is writer and script editor Eric Saward. He was responsible, in his capacity as author, for returning the Cybermen to our screens in 1982, in a story called "Earthshock", after an absence of seven years. As well as writing "The Visitation", for the same season, he also wrote "Attack of the Cybermen" three years later, in 1985, despite the credit going to Paula Moore, his girlfriend at the time! That year also saw him write two stories for a season as he was also responsible for "Revelation of the Daleks". It was a sequel to his previous year's "Resurrection of the Daleks".

Next to Eric is actress Nicola Bryant. She played companion Perpugilliam 'Peri' Brown from 1984 to 1986. She joined the TARDIS crew as the fifth Doctor's era was coming to an end in "Planet of Fire" and stayed until partway through sixth Doctor epic "The Trial of a Time Lord". Since "Doctor Who", she has appeared in "Blackadder's Christmas Carol" (1988) as Millicent, children's serial "The Biz" (1994) as dance instructor Martine alongside Geoffrey Bayldon and had guest roles in medical dramas "Casualty" and "Doctors", both in 2000. During her time in "Doctor Who", however, she battled the programme's two most popular villains in "Attack of the Cybermen" and "Revelation of the Daleks".

On the right of the picture is "Star Cops" (1987) director Graeme Harper. He directed Nicola Bryant in both of his "Doctor Who" stories of the Eighties, "The Caves of Androzani" and "Revelation of the Daleks" but was the only one in the photograph to have never worked with the Cybermen... until now! He has just completed the filming of four episodes to feature them, for the second season of the new series, most likely beginning its run on 15 April. As the new episodes are almost twice the length of the regular length of classic episodes, this is quite some feat, and must have taken quite some organising, putting them on a par, in that respect, with the Douglas Camfield-directed eight-part Sixties' Cybermen story "The Invasion"!

Where Eric Saward brought the Cybermen back in "Earthshock" twenty-four years ago, Graeme Harper, beginning with "The Rise of the Cybermen", is doing the same eighteen years since their last proper appearance in the 1988 story "Silver Nemesis". The Cybermen's revival falls on the monsters from Mondas's fortieth anniversary, having first appeared in the 1966 final William Hartnell story "The Tenth Planet". The beauty of the "Revelation Exhumed" photo, and this accompanying story of connections, is that it firmly links classic "Doctor Who" (1963-89) to the new series (2005-?)!

"Revelation" Revealed!

"Revelation of the Daleks" is released on DVD this coming Monday and I recommend it without reservation. Not only is it a terrific "Doctor Who" story, it is simply a glorious piece of television drama. It doesn't matter that the Doctor's involvement in the first half is minimal or that the Dalek voices seem a little spineless; this is storytelling with guts. All the characters are fully fleshed and three-dimensional right down to the nameless mutant who forgives Peri for killing him near the beginning of the adventure.

After I first watched it, just over twenty years ago, I remember I found myself counting the moments of pathos. You find yourself feeling sorry for characters you would not usually feel any sympathy for under different circumstances. Jobel, for example, is a hideous man, a user of women for his own gratification. He is played to perfection by Clive Swift, best known as Hyacinth's harassed husband in "Keeping Up Appearances". He certainly won't be harried here! You despise Chief Embalmer Jobel when he sidles up to Peri, near the start of episode two, for trying to chat her up with the immortal, "Those rose-red ruby lips were made for kissing" - to which she retorts with the splendid put-down, "But not by you" - and yet you feel sorry for him when Tasambeker stabs him to death with an enormous syringe even though he has just callously snubbed her affections with the rhetorical, "Do you think I could possibly fall for a fawning little creep like you when I have the pick of the women here". With his dying words still full of conceit, "What have you done, you've killed Jobel", his orange toupee slips from his head to the floor and it is this little directorial attention to detail which makes the viewer think, what a pathetic excuse of a man!

Moments later, the Daleks corner Tasambeker, as she begins to regret her action of killing the man she loves. Naturally, being Daleks, they exterminate her mercilessly for betraying Davros. She had warned Jobel of what she had been sent to do just before he infuriates her enough into going through with it. The woman's inadequacy is breathtakingly captured by Jenny Tomasin, best known as the almost-equally put upon maid Ruby in "Upstairs, Downstairs". I've always compared the killing of Tasambeker in "Revelation" favourably with the scene in which Daleks pursue Ace in "Remembrance of the Daleks". They keep firing and missing as Ace goes round corners and yet when they corner her they start talking about it instead of finishing the job! Tasambeker is a supporting character and thus dispensable whereas Ace a companion and needed for the next story!! Therefore, the writer of "Remembrance" shouldn't have put himself in a position where, logically speaking, the Daleks should've been chanting "Exterminate" while giving chase and not once their prey was finally trapped by them!!!

I've mentioned merely but a few moments from "Revelation" though its ninety minutes running time is packed with similar emotionally complicated but rewarding scenes. If you think Captain Jack's inclinations in the recently finished season are new to the series then watch Orcini's actions on the death of his Squire. Author of "Revelation", Eric Saward has often been accused of heavy-handedness in his writing yet here he is much more subtle than Russell T. Davies has been twenty years on! If you think it was a new and wacky idea to have the Daleks exterminate a television celebrity in "The Parting of the Ways" then marvel at the demise of Tranquil Repose's resident DJ as played by the wonderful Alexei Sayle. And, if you think that Daleks couldn't elevate themselves before now, or even before "Remembrance", then, to quote the Sixth Doctor, "Look, listen and learn". I wholeheartedly recommend the purchase of this DVD even though I still have my Betamax recording all these years after its original transmission!

Desert Island "Doctor Who"!

With only two episodes left before the first new season of "Doctor Who" for almost sixteen years reaches what promises to be a tumultuous climax in a battle against the Daleks, I thought it might be an opportune time to compile my list of favourite stories that, as well as reflecting on some of the great stories of the past, also includes one from the ninth Doctor’s era. There are several new classic stories to choose from that have indeed justified all the hype and kept the show true to its original spirit and as fun as it always was. Coincidentally, I have the requisite number of eight choices as per the radio show from which this idea is affectionately borrowed!

From William Hartnell’s era my choice of favourite story would have to be "The Dalek Invasion of Earth". The use of extensive location filming, for the first time, enhances the atmosphere greatly. I know that, forty years on, the Robomen look and sound silly and the flying saucer is obviously dangled from a piece of string but the serial’s shortcomings are compensated by the imagery of the Dalek rising from the River Thames and a group of them patrolling Trafalgar Square, not to mention crossing Westminster Bridge in the trailer. And then there is the sensitive ending marking Carole Ann Ford’s departure from the series after playing the Doctor’s granddaughter, Susan, for ten stories...

So many perfect serials from Patrick Troughton’s time on the show! "Fury from the Deep" is my choice simply because it frightened me more than anything else I’ve ever seen. It has several excellent cliffhangers and I’ll never forget one of the characters walking out to sea and not stopping as she becomes totally immersed by the water or Victoria trapped in a locked room as the seaweed and foam threaten to engulf her. I long to see this story again but, alas, it seems gone forever. Years later, when I became interested in the programme in a more academic way, I discovered the director Hugh David (David Hughes) had taught my Dad maths at Grammar School and his wife, who had been the English teacher, guested in the Tom Baker story "The Ark in Space".

My favourite period of the Jon Pertwee era is the beginning. I love the first six serials because they are complex and challenging. Of the six, "The Mind of Evil" is my favourite though writer Don Houghton’s other serial, "Inferno", comes a close second. The reason I like it is because the idea of a parasite feeding off the fear in men’s minds is so much more frightening than some lumbering monster! It’s a cliché now but the camera closing in on the prisoner’s hand, pulling the trigger on the Doctor, only to pull out the following week to reveal the Brigadier’s gun preventing the death of our hero was new, and therefore clever, to me at the time.

My favourite Tom Baker serial is "Genesis of the Daleks" despite the BBC always falling back on it for repeat seasons! Writer Terry Nation, creator of the Daleks, devised the character of Davros in order to raise the standard of dialogue between hero and enemy, succeeding here in discussing many moral issues. Sarah Jane Smith seemingly falling to her death from the rocket scaffolding, as she tries to make her escape, and the freeze frame is another moment that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I just couldn’t see how they were going to get out of that one when it first aired!

Cliffhangers play an important part in making a good serial and "The Caves of Androzani" boasts two of the finest. When Peter Davison’s Doctor and new companion Peri are shot dead at the end of the first episode I didn’t foresee the resolution. It’s a shame it took until the last story of this era to get it right but director Graeme Harper presents us with a thoroughly gripping tour de force. Christopher Gable is electrifying as Sharaz Jek and I love the scene of the dying Doctor, coat caked in mud, struggling to carry his companion back to the TARDIS in an act of self-sacrifice that leads to his premature regeneration at the story’s close.

"Revelation of the Daleks" is "Doctor Who" for adults. Writer Eric Saward presents us with an alternative take on the Doctor through the character of Orcini, and his sidekick with personal hygiene problems, which is why Colin Baker’s Doctor doesn’t really enter the fray until over halfway through. Nicola Bryant, as Peri, is lucky to have worked with Harper on both his serials which probably accounts for why she is one of my favourite companions when all the others, Polly, Victoria and Zoë, hail from the mid-to-late Sixties. There are moments of real pathos in this serial such as Natasha discovering what has really become of her father and the death of Jobel, which is no mean feat when you consider the ghastly nature of his character!

From Sylvester McCoy’s three years on the show, my choice has to be "The Curse of Fenric". This period has come in for much criticism when, certainly during the last two years, the show was actually beginning to find its feet again. It wasn’t all played for laughs as is often suggested. One of the scariest things in this serial isn’t the Haemovores or the rather placid Ancient One but the transformation of the two girls into vampires because the allegory, equating loose morality with bodily decay, is far more frightening than any monster could be, even when those monsters are well-realized. The story contains some very memorable dialogue too. Who can forget the chilling menace of "We play the contest again... Time Lord", at the end of episode three, and "Don’t interrupt me when I’m eulogizing"?!!

Finally, from the single season that constitutes the Christopher Eccleston era, my eighth choice is Steven Moffat’s two-part story that begins with "The Empty Child" and concludes with "The Doctor Dances". Set during WWII, like "The Curse of Fenric", this production has everything including a spine-tingling transformation sequence featuring "One Foot in the Grave" actor Richard Wilson towards the end of the first episode. The unearthly boy of the title is called Jamie, no doubt after the second Doctor’s Scottish companion. His mum is called Nancy, undoubtedly after the character who befriends Fagin’s boys in "Oliver Twist", linking back to the earlier Dickens episode. And the Glenn Miller tunes were previously aired by the DJ in "Revelation of the Daleks". Just a few of the subtle references that help make this story as near perfect as possible.

And, if I was only allowed just one of the eight to take to my mythical island it would have to be, if it still existed in the BBC’s archive, "Fury from the Deep". I don’t think I would be disappointed, given the opportunity to see it again, as anything that can leave such an indelible mark on the memory has to have been an extremely powerful piece.