Getting shirty

Towards the end of the recent F1 season, motor-racing pundit Eddie Jordan purchased a pink/maroon-coloured Indian shirt, which he duly wore at said country’s Grand Prix. Later, he decided to auction the garment as part of Children In Need, having persuaded various dignitaries, including a visiting Sir Paul McCartney, to sign it, albeit rather scruffily. I don’t know how much the item of clothing fetched, or even if it was sold at all, as I didn’t watch the evening’s ‘entertainment’, despite the dubious draw of a Doctor Who sketch! The prospect of sitting through continuity tarts Tess Daly, Fearne Cotton and Alesha Dixon, for such an exhausting amount of time, held absolutely no appeal. I have occasionally wondered what became of Eddie’s shirt. Who would want such an item? What would they do with it once safely installed in their wardrobe? Would it have been laundered before leaving the confines of the BBC? It got me to thinking maybe other celebs should go down the same route, if they haven’t already, and would I be interested in purchasing any of their apparel?

As readers of this Journal are no doubt aware, I’m a fairly enthusiastic fan of Doctor Who! However, I’ve no interest in wearing David Tennant’s trench coat, even if it might make me look a little like Blade Runner’s Rick Deckard! I’m not particularly partial to bow ties either, even if they do possess a certain sartorial elegance! And maybe Chris Eccleston’s leather attire is better suited to The Stranglers’ Jean Jacques Burnel. Some of Billie Piper’s outfits, though, are a different matter. I wasn’t overly impressed with how she was dressed, on most occasions, but a few times they got it just right. I would’ve liked to have seen the white t-shirt she wore in Dalek, or the Union Jack one she wore in the Blitz two-parter, up for grabs. Even the orange affair Rose donned in the Olympic torch episode would be a welcome addition to any admirer’s collection! I wonder what became of the costumes after she left the series, when, presumably, the programme had no further use for them? I don’t recall seeing them at any of the programme’s exhibitions…

The thing is how far do you go when selling off a high-profile star’s clothing? There must be some out there who wouldn’t mind getting their hands on the thong Billie is wearing at the close of The Satan Pit, the backside of which is clearly visible over the top of her jeans on her return to the TARDIS. Others might prefer the thong which makes itself noticeable in the Doctor Who Confidential episode that accompanies Rose’s final regular appearance on the show. The problem is that these items probably belong to her rather than the BBC and she might not want to part with them. It’s all purely hypothetical as it’s quite likely these flimsy little pieces of cloth are probably long gone, worn out after frequent use… replaced by whatever is the latest fashion in these things. Doctor Who fans are mad. Graham Norton said so, so it must be true. I wouldn’t want to contradict his expectations so, if the described items no longer exist, I’d be quite happy acquiring the white bra our Billie is wearing in the above picture, even though she undoubtedly looks far better in it than I ever could!

Undercover, Underwired Underwear!

The latest series of ‘Undercover Boss’ began on Tuesday, 5th July at 9pm on Channel 4 with a look at adult retailer Ann Summers. CEO Jacqueline Gold is one of Britain’s best known business women. She has developed the family industry away from the domain of the male “raincoat brigade” to a taboo-busting female-friendly high street staple. Too famous to go incognito herself, Jacqueline sent younger sister and Deputy MD Vanessa (pictured) undercover, in amongst the undies, to one of their high-street stores. But little sister Vanessa struggled with some customers’ intimate questions about the products!

You can just imagine it… Browsing in one of the stores, a potential male customer picks up a vibrator, ostensibly for his girlfriend or wife, although one wonders why she’d need it if he was keeping her satisfied, and asks the young attractive female shop assistant if she wouldn’t mind demonstrating how to use the object, on the pretence he’s not exactly familiar with its purpose! Or, maybe he’s not sure how a pair of crotchless panties would suit the love of his life and asks the girl behind the counter if she wouldn’t mind modelling them for him while he sets up his digital camera!! Anyway, you get the picture… I’m glad I don’t work at Ann Summers and have to fend off such questions on a regular basis, although maybe you get used to it.

One thing I’ve often found amusing, in the city in which I live, is that Ann Summers is situated next door to Primark! So the most expensive place to get your knickers is a stone’s throw from the cheapest!!

Relative Relations

It’s been the subject of mass debate as to why the Doctor keeps stroking bits of his TARDIS. He’s sometimes seen dusting his console with his handkerchief and spends copious amounts of time fiddling with his knobs. Yes, as well as having two hearts, he presses more buttons than anyone else in the universe! And now we know why. His little old Police Box is the love of his life. And when it materializes inside a young woman not unlike the one in the above picture, it transpires - in private - he calls her sexy. Never did I imagine I’d be looking at a picture of the Doctor’s space/time machine wearing such a pretty bra! It’s about time Suranne Jones appeared in “Doctor Who” - she’s already acted alongside the fifth Doctor, Peter Davison, in “Unforgiven” and the tenth Doctor, David Tennant, in “Single Father” as well as guest starring in “The Sarah Jane Adventures” as Mona Lisa. She’s still best known, perhaps, for playing feisty factory girl Karen McDonald for four years in “Coronation Street” which she left in 2004.

In “The Doctor’s Wife”, the fourth episode in the current series of “Doctor Who”, Suranne plays Idris whom cult fantasy-author Neil Gaiman hinted “might just turn out to be an old acquaintance with a new face.” Long term fans surmised as to whether or not it could possibly be renegade Time Lady the Rani, reborn in the same way as the Master. Then there’s the name Idris. Could this be a clue? IDentity RIver Song?! But it turned out to be neither of them. Much more cleverly, the story explored the relationship between the Time Lord and his erratic machine, while in human form. At the outset of the adventure, Idris lives with Auntie, Uncle and Nephew, who are raggedy people - patchwork folk put together from bits and pieces of travellers lured to what has become a junkyard world. Suranne’s character has got all her own bits, as most men will have noticed, but if she’d stayed in the same environment any longer, who knows, she might have found she’d got a new limb which didn’t belong to her! Understandably a little bonkers, Idris bites the Doctor! Tough job, acting!!

Goosebumps

The moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived. No, not the passing of the Royal wedding, for which we’re all eternally grateful, not even the start of the thirty-second series of “Doctor Who”, the sixth if you’re a newbie, for which we’re even more beholden, but the day in which Claire Goose exposes her lovely lady lumps on television for the first time! It’s been a long time coming. She’s now 36, married and mum to Amelia. In the past, she’s posed for lads’ mags in her underwear, set our pulses racing in a nurse’s uniform, as Tina Seabrook in “Casualty”, but never before has she plucked up the courage to get her tits out. Tonight, in “Exile”, all that is about to change. It’s been described as her first ever nude scene despite wearing skimpy briefs throughout. Presumably she could’ve asked to keep her bra on if she’d felt too exposed but Claire trusted the director. It’s an important scene where the couple aren’t just having sex, something that’s seen earlier, but are making love for the first time. No doubt John Simm, her partner in the three-part serial, running on successive evenings at 9pm on BBC1, put her at ease and was very masterful!

Claire plays barmaid Mandy, a mother-of-two trapped in a lifeless marriage who embarks on an affair with a journalist called Tom (John Simm). Sacked from his job and dumped by his married girlfriend, Tom Ronstadt heads back up North to see his sister Nancy (Olivia Colman) and their father Sam (Jim Broadbent), a man nursing a dark secret but now in the grip of Alzheimer’s. Sam was originally due to be played by Pete Postlethwaite, who died in January. Jim heard the part had become available and thought, “if it was good enough for Pete, it’ll be good enough for me”! Jim’s mother had Alzheimer’s so he already knew a fair bit about it from her case. But, “Exile” is not a story about Alzheimer’s. It’s a psychological thriller about a man who can’t remember and another trying to get a secret out of him. “Exile” starts as a domestic drama, with some dark humour, but then turns into a thriller. So, there are plenty of reasons to tune in, not just the lure of seeing Claire in the altogether, although, admittedly, that is a major draw however brief, but the prospect of being entertained by some exciting television. Warden’s one to watch!

Television in Trash Shocker

Next Wednesday, on ITV2, the younger Minogue sibling gets her own three-part fly-on-the-wall television series, “Dannii Minogue: Style Queen”.

Why?

What particular talents does Miss Minogue junior bring to enhance our viewing pleasure? Alright, we can all think of a couple… and she hasn’t been slow to exploit them. Let’s not beat about her bush here, we’re talking breasts. Or, as The Stranglers once so eloquently put it, “What was the size of her tits?”!

Well, I’m not sure how big Dannii’s boobies are and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really care. They’re decently sized, big enough to previously model her own range of underwear and now she’s back to promote her new fashion range… and new range of perfume… and latest pop record. Yikes, she’s working incredibly hard, it must be exhausting! What with all that, having a baby, and “The X Factor”!!

I’d like to know if Dannii, or any so-called celeb, pays for the air space or is she paid for her time? I sometimes pondered that same question when “artists” appeared on “Top of the Pops” promoting their latest single, including the delightful-looking auburn-haired Minogue. Surely these slots were essentially three-minute commercials.

So, there they were, bouncing up and down, though I don’t remember the names of any of Dannii’s songs! She even admits her music has come in for some criticism, in the past, but doesn’t say whether or not she thinks it is justified. Everyone is always too busy, getting jiggy wit it, to pay any scant attention to something as unimportant as musicality!!

And, getting urgently back to the subject of scanties, I bet Dannii’s designer bra and knickers cost a bob or two even before they reach E-Bay!

Flower Power

There I was quietly sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly my ears pricked up on hearing the strains of David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” emanating from the television set. Immediately, I looked up. I’m not one for watching commercials. Can’t stand the things if I’m honest. Someone once told me the ads are better than the programmes but I remain unconvinced. Perhaps they are, I just don’t watch the poorer shows the better advertisements, periodically, interrupt. On this occasion, however, it was worth my while. I was greeted with the telly vision that is catwalk model-turned-actress Lily Cole. She really is a stunner. I must have a thing for fiery redheads because the other lady for whom I have a burning passion is, of course, t.A.T.u.’s Lena Katina. These two gorgeous-looking young women top and tail the three hundred-picture twenty-minute slideshow you can view at the foot of this blog. If I had my very own TARDIS, I know which two ladies I’d want to be my companions and their names aren’t Billie Piper or Catherine Tate! Although, even they would be preferable to Fiona Phillips and Kate Garraway!! But, why I particularly dislike those two GMTV “presenters” - journalists my arse - is the subject for another day…

The advert in question turns out to be the latest trendy promotion for the Marks and Spencer chain and, in particular, their fashion line. Set on a fairground, other attractions, besides our Lily, include sold-out classical musician-turned-pop-star-turned-television-presenter Myleene Klass and Sixties’ fashion icon Twiggy. Black model Noémie Lenoir sports two sets of natty-looking undies, not at the same time you understand! These include polka dot panties, which she wiggles in close up, and a rather fetching set of pink bra and knickers to match the candy floss on which she is nibbling. I was going to say munching but being a slim model that’s probably unlikely! I expect you can tell, I was paying especially close attention to detail!! It’s all very fast, very slick, very stylish, and unburdened with product detail - different to those commercials insistent on telling you the price of everything where you end up remembering absolutely nothing. “Fashion Fairground” simply promotes a brand. If you’d like to watch it, without sitting through numerous commercial breaks hoping for an appearance from the lovely Lily, simply click on the link on the right to my “Jukebox”! “Put on your red shoes and dance the blues”!! Watching her figure, I can tell you that, at the start, sadly, and I know it’s a missed opportunity, Lily doesn’t actually lick her lolly!!!