Goosebumps

The moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived. No, not the passing of the Royal wedding, for which we’re all eternally grateful, not even the start of the thirty-second series of “Doctor Who”, the sixth if you’re a newbie, for which we’re even more beholden, but the day in which Claire Goose exposes her lovely lady lumps on television for the first time! It’s been a long time coming. She’s now 36, married and mum to Amelia. In the past, she’s posed for lads’ mags in her underwear, set our pulses racing in a nurse’s uniform, as Tina Seabrook in “Casualty”, but never before has she plucked up the courage to get her tits out. Tonight, in “Exile”, all that is about to change. It’s been described as her first ever nude scene despite wearing skimpy briefs throughout. Presumably she could’ve asked to keep her bra on if she’d felt too exposed but Claire trusted the director. It’s an important scene where the couple aren’t just having sex, something that’s seen earlier, but are making love for the first time. No doubt John Simm, her partner in the three-part serial, running on successive evenings at 9pm on BBC1, put her at ease and was very masterful!

Claire plays barmaid Mandy, a mother-of-two trapped in a lifeless marriage who embarks on an affair with a journalist called Tom (John Simm). Sacked from his job and dumped by his married girlfriend, Tom Ronstadt heads back up North to see his sister Nancy (Olivia Colman) and their father Sam (Jim Broadbent), a man nursing a dark secret but now in the grip of Alzheimer’s. Sam was originally due to be played by Pete Postlethwaite, who died in January. Jim heard the part had become available and thought, “if it was good enough for Pete, it’ll be good enough for me”! Jim’s mother had Alzheimer’s so he already knew a fair bit about it from her case. But, “Exile” is not a story about Alzheimer’s. It’s a psychological thriller about a man who can’t remember and another trying to get a secret out of him. “Exile” starts as a domestic drama, with some dark humour, but then turns into a thriller. So, there are plenty of reasons to tune in, not just the lure of seeing Claire in the altogether, although, admittedly, that is a major draw however brief, but the prospect of being entertained by some exciting television. Warden’s one to watch!

aRTy without the Drivel!

The beauty of a “Doctor Who” Radio Times cover is that you can admire the visual without having to listen to what passes for a script in this day and age, not unlike watching Girls Aloud or the Sugababes on television with the sound switched off!

The opening couple of minutes of “The Next Doctor”, seen twice on “Children in Need”, showed exactly where Russell’s mind is at, regarding a possible future incarnation of the lead character… and I’m talking about the Doctor, not his companion! The next Doctor’s few lines of dialogue were enough to present its audience with an identikit version of the current incumbent of the TARDIS.

I believed David Morrissey would make an interestingly swarthy Doctor, well before I knew he’d been cast in this year’s Christmas Special. When I saw him as Colonel Brandon in “Sense and Sensibility”, at the very beginning of the year, I thought there’s your man!

But, folks, like Mr. Morrissey’s immediate predecessor and his predecessor before him (that’s Chris Eccleston, if you’ve lost me!) Morrissey’s Doctor is incorrigibly rude and very up his own bottom!! RTD’s Doctors will always be characterised thus so it doesn’t really matter who the eleventh Doctor will be…

More pertinent a question is whether or not the style of writing will change radically under a new leadership, if indeed there really is a new man at the helm of “Doctor Who”. Russell, it seems, is holding onto the reigns of “The Sarah Jane Adventures” which also refuses to move forward following the introduction of… yawn… a new family. Pretty as Rani is, she has yet to make her mark!

I’m ever hopeful “The Next Doctor” will surprise me. I know David Morrissey is simply playing what’s written, and following orders like John Simm before him, but I’m praying the new arrival will still shine, despite!

Three reasons to look forward to the “Doctor Who” Christmas Special include David Morrissey, the return of the Cybermen (even despite their bastardisation, it’s about time a familiar foe was featured in a festive instalment), and the fact that part of the story was filmed in College Green in my hometown.

Dead Giveaway

Beginning on Saturday March 15 and running to Thursday March 20, as a daily freebie with The Sun and News of the World tabloids, earthlings may collect six prize episodes of “Doctor Who” on DVD from the last two series. This follows a similar publicity incentive two years ago but, whereas, on that occasion, the episodes were culled from a selection of past Doctors, together with Christopher Eccleston’s début in “Rose”, this promotion’s six segments of the key to time are all from the David Tennant era. Pictured above, from Series Two, are “School Reunion”, the two-parter “Army of Ghosts” and “Doomsday”, and, from Series Three, “Smith and Jones”, “Blink” and “Utopia”; although, contrary to popular belief, “Blink” doesn’t really star David Tennant!

The Sun’s irresistible offer is masterly news, not least for this victim, because it’ll give me a chance to be hypnotised by Derek Jacobi’s brief-but-brilliant contribution to “Doctor Who” all over again without having to invest in the disastrously dire dénouement of last year’s season. Similarly, I can also delicately place my surgeon’s hands on a pristine copy of Freema’s medicinal début, in order to check up on yet another bloody call to a Rusty hospital and revisit the exquisite craftsmanship of Roy Marsden’s consultant Mr. Stoker. Being of totally logical disposition, though temporarily illiterate inclination, I ain’t afraid of no ghosts except when I fear they’ll haunt me for the rest of my life! The best of the bunch is “Blink” which, did I mention, doesn’t really star David Tennant!!

Pistols at Dawn!

I don’t believe this… Where’s Freema?!! Why isn’t she on the cover of the “Doctor Who” series three DVD box set with David? I was quite surprised to see how prominently John Simm features on the series three volume four DVD cover, out next month, but at least there’s a glimpse of Martha between John and David’s ears! She’s nowhere to be seen on the front of the complete series and yet she is in all thirteen episodes. John was in but three, two and a bit if you’re feeling generous! This really takes the biscuit!! I can clearly remember an interview in which an excited Freema exclaimed how cool it was that she would be appearing on the cover of a “Doctor Who” box set and now, after all her hard work, she has been denied the privilege. I feel disappointed for her so goodness only knows how she feels about it? I suppose it’s a case of don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. She’s still working for RTD… She began recording her three episodes of “Torchwood” last Tuesday and will, of course, be returning to “Doctor Who”, albeit in a diminished capacity. Ain’t this girl miffed or is she just gonna take the money and run? I don’t think anybody’s been treated this poorly on the programme since Colin Baker was sacked!

I suppose the reasoning behind the box set cover is that Simm is a better known face than Freema’s and thus likely to sell more copies. But, that theory doesn’t really hold water when you consider Freema has just featured heavily on TV every Saturday evening for thirteen weeks. And, more people watch “Doctor Who” than “Life on Mars”! Billie featured on the cover of two box sets and so I think Freema has been cheated out of something rightfully hers. There’s something slightly insidious about new “Doctor Who”. You can bet your bottom dollar Russell Tiberius Davies had plenty of input regarding the sleeve pictures! It makes no difference to whether or not I’ll be buying the set though. I’d already decided not to. I bought the recent Dalek episodes (don’t laugh!) because I love the Daleks, am a fan of Miranda Raison, and didn’t object to “42” as much as some, despite the gaping plot contrivances. First time I purchased one of the vanilla releases! I’m also going to get the current release as, to be honest, “Human Nature”, “The Family of Blood”, and “Blink” are pretty much all the discerning fan needs! These two discs avoid all episodes written by Russell, avoids Catherine Tate and the needless violence of Simm’s Master, but, unfortunately, it also means going without the second of Graeme Harper’s episodes featuring the wonderful Sir Derek Jacobi. I bought the Eccleston series, probably only because it came with extra discount, and was given series two for Christmas but, regarding series three, I would prefer to spend the money on “The Key to Time”. Even though it isn’t my favourite Tom Baker series, I still think it is better value for money and, more importantly, immensely more entertaining. I don’t own any of classic series sixteen, in any format, whereas I recorded every episode of the recent run. I guess we ought to be grateful Catherine Tate doesn’t feature on the front cover of the series three box set. They’re keeping that back for next year!

Masterful!

He can be a nice boy when he wants to!

Spin Doctor

I watched in vain waiting for “The Sound of Drums” to explain how Derek Jacobi’s Master was able to regenerate into John Simm’s version, at the end of the previous episode, when, in both “The Deadly Assassin” and “The Keeper of Traken”, the Master states that he has passed through all twelve regenerations! Geoffrey Beevers, in the thirteenth and final incarnation of the rogue Time Lord, steals the body of Anthony Ainley’s Tremas, in the latter of the two Tom Baker stories, but I presume that action didn’t come complete with a new set of regenerations? I suppose, as the Master starts out in the Paul McGann TV movie as a shapeless morphant creature, in an attempt to ape “The X-Files”, before taking over the body of ambulance driver Bruce, played by Eric Roberts, the 1996 film only serves to muddy the waters where the Master is concerned. Russell T Davies has obviously decided to ignore the evolution of the character opting to utilise merely its bare essence. It’s a misnomer that you necessarily need an actor who looks, or even acts, like the original, as presumably was the case in casting Ainley. The Doctors have usually been chosen in physical contrast to their immediate predecessors so why not the Master? If nothing else, that has been the case in “Utopia”! All the Doctors retained dignity, up to and including the eighth incarnation, as indeed has the Master until the arrival of John Simm!!

It’s telling that the single best moment, this season, is when Derek Jacobi proclaims “I am the Master” and is almost-immediately followed by the single worst when John Simm waves “Bye, bye” as if he were a five-year-old! This immature portrayal carries over into “The Sound of Drums”, noticeably when, gas-masked, he gives a double thumbs up at his ruthless execution of the cabinet!! It’s like the child who, realising his photo is about to be taken, compulsively raises a thumb to the air!!! I’m surprised the Doctor didn’t say to the Master, when they finally confront one another, “What you need is a jolly good smacked bottom!” For those who don’t know, it’s how the first Doctor tells off his granddaughter during “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”!! And, the point of reintroducing the jelly babies? (Time) Lord knows, other than making “Doctor Who” is a bit like Chinese Takeaway… using very few ingredients but in every possible combination!!!

Russell’s taste in music leaves a lot to be desired, too. There’s nothing wrong with Simm tapping out the rhythm of the theme tune, which incidentally is the same as Beethoven’s most famous Symphony, the Fifth, but what was the point of Rogue Trader’s “Voodoo Child” on the soundtrack except to add to the cacophony? For a politician, Ann Widdecombe was amusing but unnecessary whereas Sharon Osbourne and McFly nothing more than a complete waste of space. Especially awful was the close up of the one in the baseball cap, about which my feelings are the same as those of Richard Dawkins! To end on a positive note, I did enjoy Russell’s equally anti-American/anti-British jibes, at our real respective political leaders (although, one of those spin Doctors is regenerating this week!!), as well as the lovely Alexandra Moen’s perfectly-pitched portrayal of the premiere’s spouse, Lucy, seemingly much sweeter than her real-life counterpart!!!

When Two Worlds Collide…

This trailer takes us right up to the end of the latest third series of “Doctor Who” including brief clips of Sir Derek Jacobi as the Professor in episode eleven, toasting “Utopia”, and the appearance of “Life on Mars” actor John Simm, as “Mr Saxon”, in the final two episodes. John doesn’t say anything but appears to be on a television monitor presumably partaking in a spot of political campaigning! I think that’s what they call it when power-mad peeps try to suppress the rights of the individual!!

Also featured are John Barrowman as Captain Jack Harkness, returning to the show only to find it severely changed, personnel wise! How on Earth is he going to recognise anyone? Will he like Martha as much as he did Rose? Will he wanna kiss Davey-boy as much as he did Chris?!! All pertinent questions! Me, I wonder how Rose feels knowing she will never learn the secret the Face of Boe is waiting to impart in episode three!!

Mark Gatiss looks on fine form in episode six as Dr Lazarus. Interesting that he’s acting in the series this year, having narrated “Confidential” last year, whereas Tony Head, having acted in the show last year, is narrating “Confidential” this year! Simon Pegg managed both in the first year appearing as the Editor in “The Long Game” whilst also narrating “Confidential”!! Enough plugs for the BBC THREE documentary series!!!

Best of all, the 82-second trailer, which is available on loop to Sky and Virgin subscribers but not Freeview users, includes brief footage of delectable “Spooks” actress Miranda Raison as a showgirl in the Dalek episodes, who seem to be whizzing about all over the place exterminating everything in sight. Regular readers of my blog will know I’m rather partial to naughty Miranda! I demand to be transported back to 1930s New York this minute!! I don’t mind fending off the Pig Men to save her!!!

More curiously, the Doctor seems to be with someone in a wedding dress… again! It’s not Donna. Her name’s Joan and she’s played by Jessica Stevenson, who’s just tied the knot for real herself, in the two-part story by Paul Cornell. Could the Time Lord really be considering taking a wife, getting married, a mortgage, settling down and all that?!! He did mention something of the sort in “The Impossible Planet”. Even more curiously, he tells Martha he’s not the Doctor! Who is he then, Tony Blair? Watch and enjoy!!!