Whiter than White!

I feel I should apologise unreservedly for the gratuitous use of the word “knickers” in my previous post! I had no idea it could cause anyone the least offence. While I’m at it, I would also like to express deep regret for mentioning the unmentionable - “bra and panties” if you missed it, or couldn’t be bothered reading the text accompanying the supposedly salacious shot of t.A.T.u.’s lovely Lena! Following the premiere of Julie Walters vehicle “Filth: The Mary Whitehouse Story” last Wednesday evening, I bring the matter to your attention, now, upon the realisation that, were she still alive, Mary Whitehouse would not have found my article “appropriate”. But, then, she seems to have had no sense of humour whatsoever…

There is the possibility that the BBC are partially responsible for this country’s continuing decline in moral standards, whatever they may be, but to make a complaint, even back in 1967, over the airing of The Beatles’ witty classic “I Am The Walrus” defies belief! Mary was worried about the then-forthcoming transmission of the group’s “Magical Mystery Tour” TV movie, scheduled for broadcast on Boxing Day of said year, when many families would be watching, no doubt assuming that any mention of ladies’ lingerie would be a corrupting influence on impressionable minds. I find it hard to imagine the tireless campaigner listening to any pop record with such intensity, ready to jot down the slightest deviancy! The offending lyric, which caused Mrs Whitehouse much concern, reads…

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen,
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

The inspiration for Lennon’s lyric actually comes from a playground nursery rhyme…

Yellow matter custard, green slop pie,
All mixed together with a dead dog’s eye,
Slap it on a butty, ten foot thick,
Then wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

You could argue that the latter is more offensive than the former, certainly more disgusting, yet these words were heard out of the mouths of babes and sucklings long before the advent of the Nanny State. But the word that bothered Mary was “knickers”. The undergarment is simply an item of clothing, a piece of cloth, so I can only assume it was the association, that said piece of material actually comes into contact with a woman’s vagina, which bothered her. This says more about her state of mind than anything else! Surely, next post, I should apologise for using the word “vagina” but at least I didn’t use the vulva term “pussy” or, worse still, “cunt”!!