Seizing Kerry’s Assets

For what, precisely, is Kerry Jayne Elizabeth Katona famous? Well, her original claim to this prodigiously prominent position is that she was once a part of pop-tart trio Atomic Kitten. But, rumour has it, she didn’t sing on some/any of their hits! Apparently, she merely spoke a few lines in just one of their songs!! So, what was the purpose of her being in the group, in the first place? They were put together eleven years ago by Andy McCluskey, of Eighties band Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, so you might expect he would’ve chosen someone who could actually sing! Kerry left/was-booted-out the Atomics just as they were on the verge of major commercial success, with their single “Whole Again”, ostensibly because of her pregnancy. However, I don’t recall any other instance, of being with child, preventing female aspirations in the pop industry.

On leaving the Pussies, Kerry married Westlife crooner Brian McFadden. God, can you imagine the sweet music coming out of their household! But, the union helped seal her familiarity, with the great British general public, and a couple of years later, in February 2004, Katona won the third British series of reality TV show “I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!” and was crowned “Queen of the Jungle”. For all that, the couple separated later the same year. Since then, she’s found happiness with a taxi driver, should you choose to believe it? In-between, the 27-year-old published her autobiography, “Kerry Katona: Too Much, Too Young: My Story of Love, Survival and Celebrity”, with the ironic placement, in the title, being on the word “Much”, in that it doesn’t imply affluence, rather austerity of upbringing, although I doubt very much if it was our Kez who thought of that!

Anyway, the reason for this potted history of Miss Katona is that she now faces bankruptcy to the sum of £475,000! I can only presume she must have made a fortune in order to spend one but has, obviously, exceeded her budget. You shouldn’t laugh at those, intellectually, less well off than yourself but I couldn’t help but smile when I read that a High Court judge agreed to give her a ten-week extension period, though warned that if she didn’t meet the deadline, receivers would seize her assets. It wasn’t her predicament I was smiling over but the terminology of the court. I conjured up images of a bewigged member of the judiciary making a beeline for young Kerry’s tits and, let’s face it/them, it’s the ample size of her bosom for which she’s really famous. The mother of four is, obviously, quite a handful so perhaps I should’ve called this post “Squeezing Kerry’s Assets”!