Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)

Sometimes, I wonder why I like pop music? There is so much rubbish about, people with no talent earning millions. But, that isn’t just a modern phenomenon. It has always been the case. Boy bands with their supposed good looks appealing to teenage girls, boy bands with guitars (as if the mere act of holding an instrument somehow gives them credibility), youngish females - with precious little clothing - selling the fantasy of sex... all have absolutely nothing to do with music. The irony is that these folk are convinced they have real talent. Many of them actually believe their own publicity and think they are perfect! They are mediocre, at best, and full of their own self-importance. Real musicians know there is always room for improvement and always doubt their own ability!!

When listening to a piece of “classical” music that takes a theme and develops it, as opposed to repeating it over and over ad nauseam, it makes me wonder why I like any pop music at all! But, I try to keep an open mind and seek out the good in things. A little over a year ago, I discovered a band from Montreal, Canada, called Arcade Fire. I’d caught them on “Later with Jools Holland”, towards the end of 2005, and their sound captured my attention. I thought no more of it until a few months later when, flicking through the television channels, I landed on E4 and the video of “Rebellion (Lies)” was playing. I’m a sucker for rock bands that use orchestral instruments, especially strings!!

It’s probably The Beatles’ Producer, George Martin, we have to thank for the addition of strings on pop records, as well as the piccolo trumpet! Arcade Fire use a range of instruments adding a couple of violins in the featured number, as well as double bass and accordion on other songs, to those of a traditional rock band. That already makes them intriguing. Coupled with the plaintive cry of lead singer Win Butler, I started to ask myself whether or not this group could be the new Roxy Music? I’ve asked myself that many times, over the past thirty-five years, about groups ranging from Sparks to The Stranglers, Magazine to Portishead, to name but a few!! Arcade Fire’s “Rebellion (Lies)”, from the album “Funeral”, is an uplifting pop song, far removed from the bland mainstream, and thus worth consideration.

Fly me to the Moon!

The strange thing about “Doctor Who”, this time around, is that it does actually feel like a new beginning. Whereas tenth Doctor David Tennant seemed to slip into his jimjams through a side door the Christmas before last, in “The Christmas Invasion”, it seems now as though the show is starting over. This probably is because our way into each story will be from the perspective of a new character, Martha Jones. When the Doctor regenerates, he is still essentially the same man, the same character, just played by a different actor. When the companion changes, with the exception of Time Lady Romana, it is into a new character, even though she (or he) fulfils the same function. With the latest change, the potential for new beginnings is even greater because not only has Rose gone but she has, one presumes, taken the baggage of her entire family with her. No more Pete, no more Jackie, no more Mickey and no more Rose!

Donna was a stop gap. Maybe Executive Producer Russell T Davies thought better of the way such a major character as the show’s lead was introduced last time. When you think about it, to be born in a little “Children in Need” sketch is a little strange for a show of such longevity. Then, it was well into his first full story before the Doctor eventually came to the rescue! I notice that David is once again in his pyjamas for this fresh start almost as though he’s awoken to the dawn of a new day, although his attire is appropriate for the setting of a hospital! But let’s hope the breakfast is completely fresh. Martha is coming with her own baggage. Another family! And this suggests a lack of creativity. “Doctor Who” has done that for two years and it’s time for change. It remains to be seen how big a role Martha’s family will play. I found Rose’s Mum a major irritant, and it wasn’t entirely because of Camille Coduri who I’ve liked in other things, and was always grateful for the stories from which she was absent! I didn’t even want to be reminded of her, as I was briefly, in “The Impossible Planet”!!

Looking on the bright side, it’s a promising start to set the bulk of the first episode on the Moon. No Powell Estate in any of the craters, I hope! Just an hospital uprooted and transported through space. Daft it sounds but it’s no use diehard fans complaining as “Doctor Who” has done this kind of thing before with UNIT HQ in “The Three Doctors”. I wondered then as I wonder now, what about the building’s foundations?!! Even better is the look of the helmeted Judoon. Yes, they look like Sontaran rip-offs but at least they have been designed with a passing acknowledgement of the show’s history. I really hope we get to see them on the Moon’s surface as we did the Cybermen in Troughton serial “The Moonbase”. And, last but not least, two terrific guest actors to die for, in the first episode alone. Mrs Rouncewell from “Bleak House”, actress Anne Reid as Florence Finnegan, and soft-spoken Roy Marsden as consultant Mr Stoker, of the Royal Hope Hospital. With such Royalty of the acting profession involved, I am, as ever, hopeful. “Smith and Jones”, the first in a new series of “Doctor Who” can be seen this Saturday, 31st March, at 7pm. Be there, if you dare!

The Dears - 22: The Death of All the Romance

Anne Reid & Roy Marsden in "Smith and Jones"

Bryan Ferry - To Make You Feel My Love

(intro)

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love.

When evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong,
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong…

I would go hungry, I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue,
Oh, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
To make you feel my love.

(instrumental)

The storms are raging on the rolling sea,
And on the highway of regret,
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet…

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true,
Oh, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
Go to the ends of the earth for you,
To make you feel my love.

Radio Times Duo

Highlights from Radio Times:

3.1: SMITH AND JONES

"Martha is 23, a medical student, and her family's going into meltdown. Dad's run off with his secretary, Mum's boiling with fury, brother Leo's got a six-month old baby, and sister Tish is all ambition, thinking only of her next job. Martha's stuck in the middle, as the peacemaker. Just the sort of woman who needs an escape. Before you know it, mysterious storms are sweeping across London, sinister motorcycle couriers are stalking the hospital and Martha finds herself transported to the Moon! That's just the beginning of her troubles, as the alien Judoon arrive in a fleet of mighty spaceships — big, brutal space police! Only one man seems to know what's going on: a patient called John Smith. And he claims he's some sort of Doctor."

3.2: THE SHAKESPEARE CODE

"We've taken Martha back to 1599, when Shakespeare's at the height of his powers, in London's Globe Theatre. But if you're ten years old and the word 'Shakespeare' makes you groan, then rest assured, this isn't just a history lesson. There are witch-like creatures at work, strange deaths — a man drowns on dry land! — some terrible puns and a fearful plot dating back to the dawn of the universe. ... I think this might be our most lavish production yet. We try to film in and around Cardiff, but there aren't many Elizabethan settings around here, so the team had to travel to Warwick, Coventry and to the Globe itself for some magnificent location filming."

3.3: GRIDLOCK

"The Tardis returns to the year five billion, on the planet New Earth, where the Doctor and Rose last fought off cat-nurse nuns and zombie patients. ... But before long, greedy Pharmacists, hapless kidnappers and terrifying Beasts from Below have thrown Martha into danger. And all because the Doctor told a lie.... The Doctor's old friend, the Face of Boe, is waiting with a secret."

3.4: DALEKS IN MANHATTAN
3.5: EVOLUTION OF THE DALEKS

"1930s New York, Pig Men, sewers, showgirls and the Empire State Building. Oh yes, and Daleks, too. ... Helen's done a brilliant job, combining the Depression with the Daleks' desperation to survive and adding a good bit of The Island of Dr Moreau. Not to mention Frankenstein! Be prepared to see the Daleks as you've never seen them before."

3.6: THE LAZARUS EXPERIMENT

"A good old mad scientist, with an experiment going wrong, and an outrageous supervillain on the loose. ... The episode also marks a return to modern-day Earth and a chance to find out what's been happening to Martha's family in her absence. ... This time, pay attention to the enigmatic paymaster of Professor Lazarus as a trap plotted across the whole of time and space begins to close . . ."

3.7: 42

"The 42nd century, a spaceship in a far-flung galaxy, saboteurs at work, crew members possessed, and the terrifying catchphrase 'Burn with me'. To be honest, I love that title as I can't wait to see the Radio Times billing for this episode: (7/13. 42). Dial that number, you get a free pizza."

3.8: HUMAN NATURE
3.9: THE FAMILY OF BLOOD

"A very different sort of story — though still with monsters and scares galore! But when you've got David Tennant as your lead actor (call me biased, but The Best Actor in the Land, frankly), then you want to write stories that push the Doctor into completely new territory. And these two episodes take the Time Lord to places he's never been before, all in the haunting setting of a boys' public school in 1913; the winter before the War, with a chill in the air, and mysterious lights in the sky. If ever you thought scarecrows were scary, you ain't seen nothing yet."

3.10: BLINK

"The King of Terror, that's Mr Moffat. ... Doctor Who rarely scares me, because I've seen all the behind-the-scenes prosthetics and computer trickery, and I've lived with the scripts for months. But when I watch this episode — I'm not kidding — I'm scared to death! Go on, I dare you. Close the curtains. Turn the lights off. Huddle round the TV. Clutch your loved ones. And shiver."

3.11: UTOPIA

"Jack's back! As John Barrowman's Captain Jack Harkness comes storming back on board the Tardis — with an arrival like no companion has ever had before — it's time for the Tardis's wildest ride yet! It hurtles out of control, taking the crew to the distant planet Malcassairo, where a lonely and patient professor is giving his all to save his people from extinction."

3.12: THE SOUND OF DRUMS
3.13: LAST OF THE TIME LORDS

"The trap closes, as the Doctor, Martha and Captain Jack find themselves in a desperate fight for survival. Who are the Toclafane? What is the power of Archangel? And what terrible secrets are stored at the heart of the Valiant? It's an epic and heartbreaking story, as the Doctor faces his greatest enemy yet. Now, I wonder who that could be . . ?"

Doctor Who - Series Three, Trailer Two (Widescreen)

The New Who

The new series of “Doctor Who” has the potential to be terrific. Both of the forty-second trailers look good. It’s obvious that, once again, plenty of money has been lavished on the show, which could of course be its undoing, but the biggest problem, in my opinion, is the writers’ allowing the curbing of their imaginations. “Doctor Who” made by committee doesn’t make good “Doctor Who”. I’m optimistic though. I want it to be good. I want it to be as terrific as the trailers suggest it’s going to be.

As well as featuring clips from early episodes of the new series up to and including the two-part Dalek story, this first trailer is heavily geared towards promoting the first episode with plenty of those intergalactic alien storm troopers, known as the Judoon Platoon, on the rampage in search of Plasmavore Florence played by Anne Reid. Recently seen opposite Catherine Tate in “The Bad Mother’s Handbook”, this well-respected actress has already guest-starred in “Doctor Who”. She played Nurse Crane in “The Curse of Fenric” almost two decades ago. Back in 1989, she was up against the Haemovores and now she is one… well, almost!

Also starring in the opening story, “Smith and Jones”, is Roy Marsden as Mr. Stoker, best known as the ITV version of P D James’s cultured detective Commander Adam Dalgliesh. Roy has also had a previous brush with “Doctor Who”, although a little more recently than Anne. He’s just been heard in the latest audio series on BBC7, opposite Paul McGann and Sheridan Smith, in the closing two-part Cybermen story “Human Resources”. He’s had a long and illustrious career that includes appearances in “Space: 1999”, the feature-length Sherlock Holmes story “The Last Vampyre”, and “Only Fools and Horses”. Eight days and counting!

Propaganda - Duel

ZTT Records co-founder Trevor Horn was the man behind Buggles, giving us the immortal “Video Killed the Radio Star”, but is perhaps best known for producing Frankie Goes to Hollywood and their notorious number one hit single “Relax”. His output is nothing if not diverse having worked with artists such as Roy Orbison, Tom Jones and, famously, with the session musician collective known as (The) Art of Noise. This ensemble included classically-trained Anne Dudley, later to compose the terrifically jolly theme tune of “Jeeves and Wooster”! As is usually the case when making choices, I prefer some of Trevor’s lesser known output. In particular, Propaganda’s “A Secret Wish” is one of my three favourite non-Roxy Music pop/rock albums of all-time (the others being Siouxsie and the Banshee’s “The Scream” and Magazine’s “Real Life”).

“A Secret Wish” spawned the hit single “Duel”, one of the finest pop songs of the Eighties and this post’s featured clip, and, before that, the equally excellent “Dr. Mabuse” which unforgettably asks, “Why does it hurt when my heart misses the beat?”. Trevor Horn also produced a single by a little known Parisian chanteuse called Anne Pigalle, “He! Stranger”, which is also well worth a listen. And, bringing us into the 21st Century, he has applied his skill to making Russian pop duo t.A.T.u. accessible to a British audience, initially with the single “All the Things She Said”. If you don’t know the song “Duel”, or even if you do, give it a listen but try and divorce your mind from the theatrics of the video, fun though they are, as I’d be interested in knowing what you all think of the track. I’d also be interested in knowing what are your all-time favourite albums?

Doctor Who - Series Three Episode Guide (Updated)

Produced by BBC Wales
David Tennant (The Doctor)
Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones)
Executive Producers: Russell T Davies and Julie Gardner
Produced by Phil Collinson and Susie Liggat

1: Smith and Jones (31 March 2007)
Writer: Russell T Davies
Director: Charles Palmer
Cast: Adjoa Andoh (Francine Jones), Trevor Laird (Clive Jones), Anne Reid (Florence Finnegan), Roy Marsden (Mr. Stoker), Gugu Mbatha-Raw (Tish Jones), Reggie Yates (Leo Jones)
The Doctor faces the dreaded Judoon, intergalactic alien storm troopers who have transported the Royal Hope Hospital to the Moon... including the young Martha Jones.

2: The Shakespeare Code (7 April 2007)
Writer: Gareth Roberts
Director: Charles Palmer
Cast: Dean Lennox Kelly (William Shakespeare), Christina Cole (Lilith), Jalaal Hartley (Dick), Sam Marks (Kemp)
Shakespeare gives the performance of his life to save the Earth from destruction at the hands of fearsome flying witches.

3: Gridlock (14 April 2007)
Writer: Russell T Davies
Director: Richard Clarke
Cast: Ardal O'Hanlon (Thomas Kincade Brannigan), Jennifer Hennessy (Valerie)
The Doctor returns to New Earth, and encounters the Face of Boe again.

4: Daleks in Manhattan (21 April 2007)
5: Evolution of the Daleks (28 April 2007)
Writer: Helen Raynor
Director: James Strong
Cast: Miranda Raison (Tallulah), Ryan Carnes (Laszlo), Hugh Quarshie (Solomon), Andrew Garfield (Frank), Eric Loren (Mr. Diagoras), Flik Swan (Myrna), Alexis Caley (Lois), Earl Perkins, Peter Brooke, Ian Porter (Foreman), Joe Montana, Stewart Alexander, Mel Taylor (Dock Worker)
Two-part story
The Doctor and Martha visit New York in the 1930s... and run into an experiment by the Daleks to disrupt the fabric of time!

6: The Lazarus Experiment (5 May 2007)
Writer: Stephen Greenhorn
Director: Richard Clarke
Cast: Thelma Barlow (Lady Thaw), Mark Gatiss (Dr. Lazarus)
The famed scientist Dr. Lazarus may have developed the fountain of youth!

7: 42 (12 May 2007)
Writer: Chris Chibnall
Director: Graeme Harper
Cast: Michelle Collins (McDonnell), William Ash (Riley), Anthony Flanagan (Scannell), Matthew Chambers (Korwin), Vinette Robinson (Lerner), Gary Powell (Ashton), Rebecca Oldfield (Erina)

8: Human Nature (19 May 2007)
9: The Family of Blood (26 May 2007)
Writer: Paul Cornell
Director: Charles Palmer
Cast: Jessica Stevenson (Joan), Harry Lloyd (Jeremy Baines), Thomas Sangster (Tim Latimer), Tom Palmer (Hutchinson), Pip Torrens (Rocastle), Rebekah Staton (Jenny), Gerard Horan (Clark), Lauren Wilson (Lucy Cartwright), Matthew White (Phillips)
Two-part story
The Doctor settles down to lead a normal life in a boarding school, in an adaptation of Cornell's novel "Human Nature".

10: Blink (2 June 2007)
Writer: Steven Moffat
Director: Hettie MacDonald
Cast: Carey Mulligan, Lucy Gaskell, Michael Obiora, Finlay Robertson, Ian Boldsworth, Richard Cant

11: Utopia (9 June 2007)
Writer: Russell T Davies
Director: Graeme Harper
Cast: John Barrowman (Jack Harkness), Derek Jacobi (The Professor), Rene Zagger, Chipo Chung, Neil Reidman, Paul Marc Davis

12: The Sound of Drums (16 June 2007)
13: Last of the Time Lords (23 June 2007)
Writer: Russell T Davies
Director: Colin Teague
Cast: John Barrowman (Jack Harkness), Nichola McAuliffe, Alexandra Moen, Ellie Haddington, Elize Du Toit, Nicholas Gecks, Colin Stinton, Natasha Alexander, Tom Golding, Olivia Hill, Daniel Ming
Two-part story

Rachel Sweet - Please Mr Jailer

The Sun Always Shines on TV!

As well as the free “Hellraiser” DVD, there was a terrific new pic in The Sun yesterday, from the new series finale of “Doctor Who”, suggesting Martha will not be clad in red throughout its entirety! It remains to be seen but I think, physically, Freema suits Tennant’s Doctor better than did Billie. In my mind, I associate Ms Piper more with Eccleston’s Doctor, possibly because of the decline in her characterisation during the second year. This is slightly at variance, however, with my belief that “The Impossible Planet” two-parter, from the poorer half of her era, is Billie’s finest hour (and a half!) in “Doctor Who”!

Anyway, if you’re reading this before 8:30pm, don’t forget to watch the lass from Swindon on ITV1 as Fanny Price in Jane Austen’s “Mansfield Park”, at 9pm. And, if you have BBC Four, do not miss, I repeat DO NOT MISS under any circumstance, episode one of the Patrick Troughton Yeti sequel set in the London Underground “Doctor Who” spectacular that is “The Web of Fear”! Directed by Douglas Camfield, with music by Béla Bartók, it immediately precedes Billie and her corsets, at 8:35pm. Not owning a copy of the “Lost in Time” DVD set, yet, this will be the first time I’ve seen this episode in nearly forty years, although I do have pretty clear memories of it probably because it’s just so darn good!!

The Night of the Hunter

Sad news regarding the death of actor Gareth Hunt, born Alan Leonard Hunt, at the relatively young age of 64. To most genre fans, he was undoubtedly best known for his role as Mike Gambit in “The New Avengers” alongside Joanna Lumley as Purdey and Patrick Macnee as erstwhile-agent John Steed, from 1976 to 1977. Others will know him from shaking a handful of coffee beans in the popular and long-running Nescafe commercials! He made his name, though, as footman Frederick Norton in eleven episodes of the early-Seventies’ costume drama “Upstairs, Downstairs”, co-devised by ex-“Doctor Who” companion Jean Marsh. And speaking of the Time Lord, Gareth will no doubt be best-remembered by “Doctor Who” fans as Arak in Jon Pertwee’s regeneration story “Planet of the Spiders”, broadcast in 1974.

It’s interesting that most tributes dwell on his contribution to the Seventies’ “Avengers” revival. It may well have been popular but, like many revivals, was, in truth, a far cry from the original series. It was much more action-oriented, as was the vogue of the time, whereas, during its heyday of the two Diana Rigg seasons, “The Avengers” was more about witty word play while, admittedly, nearly always culminating in a fight sequence. Hunt’s character did help retain some of that humour, notably in his tongue-in-cheek pursuit of the lovely Lumley. Gambit was there, though, primarily for the same reason as Ian Marter had been cast as Harry Sullivan in “Doctor Who”, to provide the muscle which Macnee had been more capable of a decade earlier. In Marter’s case, it turned out that the casting of Tom Baker, as the fourth Doctor, meant that, unfortunately, Harry was surplus to requirements.

Gareth popped up in many other series over the years including an appearance in “Minder” in the early-Eighties, opposite original regulars George Cole and Dennis Waterman, and, more recently and briefly, as a hit man in “EastEnders”. I remember him in the “Space: 1999” episode “Guardian of Piri” although his role in that episode was due to be larger but, after a disagreement with “A Fish Called Wanda” director Charles Crichton, he left before the episode was finished and was replaced by Michael Culver. The BBC’s news site are carrying a nice little eight-picture gallery of the late actor including a black and white still from his “Doctor Who” episode as well as one of “The New Avengers” team reunited during the mid-Nineties, I believe for the launch of the series on VHS! So, to complement those images, I thought I’d pay respect by posting a still from his uncredited and all-too-brief appearance as Pete Irvine in the aforementioned episode of the live-action Gerry Anderson series.

Kate Bush - Cloudbusting

Your Super, Sizzling, Soaraway Sun has Such Sights to Show You!

Yes, indeed! Following on from last year’s “free” “Doctor Who” DVD giveaway, The Sun “newspaper”, for want of a more choice word, are now giving away what they term seven horror classics. Some are, some aren’t, in my opinion. I’m not that keen on recommending Rupert Murdoch product but it’s worth purchasing a copy of said tabloid this coming Saturday, and also News of the World on Sunday, in order to obtain a DVD of Clive Barker’s “Hellraiser”, and its first sequel “Hellbound: Hellraiser II”, assuming you don’t already own either of them.

If you weren’t previously aware of the offer then I’m afraid you’ve missed out on John Carpenter’s “Halloween”, starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasance, which was “given away” yesterday. It’s generally regarded as a classic horror movie but, personally speaking, I think it’s a little overrated but shows what you can achieve, even in America, on a small budget. Psycho Michael Myers is locked away at the age of six for killing his sister with a big knife on Halloween. Fifteen years later, armed with another big knife on Halloween, he sets out for revenge. It does boast a very memorable music score, composed by the director himself, which helps drive the film along, considerably, giving it that all-important claustrophobic feel.

Today, it’s the turn of “Spiderman” director Sam Raimi’s cult classic “The Evil Dead” in which five holidaying students unwittingly wake forest demons, as you do! Tomorrow, you can pick up a copy of Stephen King’s “Children of the Corn” which stars “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Terminator” actress Linda Hamilton. On Thursday, it’s exploding head time with Canadian director David Cronenberg’s low-budget “Scanners”. On Friday, you can find “Flowers in the Attic”, of all places, but it’s the weekend which truly delivers a gore fest of unimaginable horrors, and a British one at that!

“Hellraiser” stars Clare Higgins, best known to me at the time from A J Cronin’s “The Citadel”, as an unfaithful wife with “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” actor Andrew Robinson, also of “Dirty Harry” fame, playing her husband. A Chinese puzzle box is purchased by her former lover, solved, and opens the gates of Hell unleashing all manner of sado-masochistic monsters ready and willing to inflict pain on mankind for all eternity! It introduces Doug Bradley as (Lead Cenobite) Pinhead to an unsuspecting audience although he’s not referred to by that name until the sequel, “Hellbound: Hellraiser II”.

Joining the cast in the second film are Kenneth Cranham, recently heard but not seen in “Blood of the Daleks”, and beautiful actress Imogen Boorman as Tiffany. I’d love to know what became of her. She also appeared in the feature version of Dennis Potter’s “Alice”, “Dreamchild”, as well as having recurring roles in both “Coronation Street” and “Casualty”. Not for the squeamish, “Hellbound” features one of the grisliest sequences I’ve ever seen committed to celluloid. Not usually affected by such things, I have to admit the scene in question did make me feel somewhat queasy! “What is your pleasure?”

When Nancy Upset Bill!

Everybody who saw her, everywhere, remembers Nicola Bryant’s opening episode, as American botany student Peri Brown, in “Doctor Who”! And quite right, too!! It’s recently come to light that an “inappropriate” underwater scene involving Freema Agyeman stripping down to her underwear has been cut from the new series. It might have been better, and more professional unless trying to elicit a little extra publicity, had David Tennant not mentioned it in the first place, then fans would’ve been none the wiser. As it is, many feel we’ll be missing out on something or other! Removing one’s clothes to go in the water sounds perfectly reasonable to me!! It does rather smack of double standards, though, when you consider there have been innumerable occasions, in the last couple of years, when inappropriate dialogue has been broadcast in the programme. God forbid “Doctor Who” should ever resort to the language of all-time greatest TV drama “The Sopranos”! So, is seeing a pretty girl in a bikini or in her underwear really so upsetting? Is visual really more offensive than verbal?

I’d like to spotlight three different instances of such inapposite discourse, in the first season alone, and unfortunately in its three best stories, which I would’ve script-edited out to make the show more suitable for a family audience. The three offending examples are 1) Rose accusing undertaker Gabriel Sneed of groping her while presumed unconscious, in “The Unquiet Dead”, 2) Henry van Statten’s supposedly throwaway line suggesting Adam and Rose indulge in a spot of spooning, in “Dalek”, and 3) Nancy’s threats of blackmail to family-man-and-homeowner Mr Lloyd over homosexual adultery (with the butcher!) in order that he might acquire black market produce during a time of war-induced austerity, in “The Doctor Dances”. Imagine the confusing messages the latter, quite complex, example gives to young children, always assuming said children are paying attention - which you have to assume they are.

Supposedly ace-writer Steven Moffat wrote the third example, unless Russell T Davies added it at a later stage, and it’s by far the worst example in season one. I don’t think Steven intended Nancy to come across as a nasty piece of work but here she is just as amoral as Lloyd, he not because of his homosexuality (although, being illegal at this time in history, it would’ve generally been regarded as such) but because of his infidelity, trading sex for culinary favours, of all things! It’s almost as though Moffat is deliberately trying to provoke and shock a conservative audience by compounding the deceit when all he achieves is to leave a bad taste in the mouth and spoil an otherwise interesting story. All three offending examples are about the personal and thus totally parochial and pedestrian. Classic “Doctor Who” was about universals, and better for it. Much better. None of these three illustrations bother me, as such. Moffat’s would certainly not be out of place in an adult drama such as “Queer as Folk”, or something similar. I just feel sympathetic to any parent trying to explain any, or all, of these ideas to their eight-year olds!!!

“Doctor Who” is lauded as a family show. The BBC keep banging on about how “Doctor Who” has revived family viewing, early evening, on Saturdays. It’s easy to rewrite the aforementioned examples out of a final script before production even begins. Why did the writers even think of including them in the first place? As the scribes that create our favourite show weren’t able to think of anything more suitable, all it displays is a severe lack of imagination. I recently read a letter describing new “Doctor Who” as smug and I thought the writer had a point. To be frank, if it’s perceived as OK to repeatedly include adult sexual inferences and connotations in oh-so-with-it and trendily-modern “Doctor Who”, then why are its producers so frightened about putting the fear factor back into the programme too? Instead of concerning ourselves with domestic issues, which every other show already does amply well, let’s escape from the “real” world for forty-five minutes a week and inappropriately “scare the kids shitless” just like Robert Holmes used to do!

Doctor Who - Series Three Press Call

Bryan Ferry - Avalon (Paris, 2000)

(intro)

Now the party’s over,
I’m so tired,
And then I see you coming,
Out of nowhere.
Much communication,
In a motion,
Without conversation,
Or a notion.

Avalon.

When the samba takes you,
Out of nowhere,
And the background fading,
Out of focus.
Yes, the picture’s changing,
Every moment,
And your destination,
But you don’t know it.

Avalon.

Dancing, and dancing,
We’re dancing, and dancing.

When you bossa nova,
There’s no holding,
And would you have me dancing,
Out of nowhere.

Avalon.

(instrumental)

Avalon, Avalon,
Avalon, Avalon.

Avalon, Avalon,
Avalon, Avalon.

Avalon.

Bryan Ferry - Stockholm, Sweden 2000

1) Falling In Love Again

(intro)

Falling in love again,
Never wanted to,
What am I to do?
Can’t help it.

Love’s always been my game,
Play it how I may,
I was made that way,
Can’t help it.

Girls cluster to me,
Like moths around the flame,
And if their wings burn,
I know I’m not to blame…

Falling in love again,
Never wanted to,
What am I to do?
Can’t help it.

(instrumental)

Girls cluster to me,
Like moths around the flame,
And if their wings burn,
I know I’m not to blame…

Falling in love again,
Never wanted to,
What am I to do?
Can’t help it.

2) A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall

(intro)

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Where have you been, my darling young one?
I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
Walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways,
Stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
Been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,
It’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
What did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin’,
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,
Heard one one-hundred drummers whose hands are a-blazin’,
Heard ten thousand whisperin’ and nobody listenin’,
Heard one person starve, many people laughin’,
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, hard, ha’, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

(intro rpt)

And what’ll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
What’ll you do now, my darling young one?
I’m a-goin’ back out ’fore the rain starts a-fallin’,
Walk through the depths of the deepest dark forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where executioner’s face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where the souls are forgotten,
Where black is the colour, and the none is the number,
And I’ll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
Reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I’ll stand in the ocean until I start sinkin’,
But I’ll know my song well before I start singin’,
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a ha-ha’, ha-ha’, ha-ha’, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a so hard, oh so hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

Bryan Ferry - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Where have you been, my darling young one?
I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
Walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways,
Stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
Been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,
It’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
What did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, that roared out a warnin’,
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,
Heard one one-hundred drummers whose hands are a-blazin’,
Heard ten thousand whisperin’ and nobody listenin’,
Heard one person starve, many people laughin’,
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, hard, ha’, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I’m a-goin’ back out ’fore the rain starts a-fallin’,
Walk through the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where executioner’s face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the colour, and none is the number,
And I’ll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I’ll stand in the ocean until I start sinkin’,
But I’ll know my song well before I start singin’,
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a ha’, ha’, ha-ha’, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, and it’s a ha-ha-a’, hard,
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

Ear, Ear, Wot a Relief!

Miss Information

I was watching “The 50 Greatest TV Dramas” on Channel 4 on Saturday evening as voted for by 200 “top industry writers, directors, producers and commissioners”, so it says here! Worth watching, I thought, because at least “EastEnders” or “Coronation Street” won’t be number one as they possibly would be were the public deciding. I’m sure the soaps cover all the relevant issues of the day and do it ever-so-sensitively but I just can’t get a grip on something with no light at the end of the tunnel. Without a last episode there can be no conclusion, joyous or heartbreaking, and therefore this type of serial is dramatically unsatisfactory. Anyway, you all know why I was watching! I wanted to know if “Doctor Who” featured in the final selection, and if so in which position, or whether snobbery had got the better of those elite few choosing!

I was also interested to find out which dramas the industry-insiders thought better than “Who”, if any, and which they thought “Who” was better than. “Who” wasn’t my only reason for watching. It’s my personal favourite, yes, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s the best. It’s quality is so variable. “The Caves of Androzani” is a masterpiece whereas “Timelash” isn’t! “Doctor Who” featured higher in the list than “Pride and Prejudice” but no one could claim, in all honesty, that “The Twin Dilemma” or “Love and Monsters” is a better watch than Jane Austen dramatised by Andrew Davies. I would claim, however, that “The Mayor of Casterbridge” by Thomas Hardy, dramatised by Dennis Potter and starring Alan Bates as Michael Henchard, and “The Barchester Chronicles” by Anthony Trollope, dramatised by Alan Plater and featuring an excellent performance, among many, by Alan Rickman as the Reverend Obadiah Slope, are both better than “P&P” but neither featured in the list.

Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’ve nothing against “P&P”. While the ladies generally swoon at Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy in his wet shirt, us chaps laugh out loud as Mr Collins shields his eyes from Lydia’s heaving bosom! The recent adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “Bleak House”, also dramatised by Andrew Davies, fared higher than “P&P” too. This surprised me as I thought the machinations of Miss Elizabeth Bennet were more popular. Even more surprising, though, was the absence of the superior version of “Bleak House”, from twenty years ago, starring Denholm Elliott as John Jarndyce and Diana Rigg as Lady Honoria Dedlock. I could go on and on about the things I thought were right and wrong about the list which only serves to show how futile these kind of charts are. How can you compare dramas of differing styles and types, and made in different eras and by different countries, to suit different audiences, and then attempt to place them in definitive order?

“Doctor Who” came 26th. Would it have figured at all, I wonder, without Russell T. Davies’ recent reinterpretation? He is regarded highly by the self-appointed experts whereas the original series isn’t. Or, at least, they’ve never shown any regard for it at all until now! It never won Baftas in its original 26-year run, for example, when the series was more deserving of awards. Then came the blunder to end all blunders. I’m surprised Outpost Gallifrey haven’t picked up on this. When David Tennant appeared, to pass comment, the caption credited him as the Eighth Doctor! So, which two have they written off then? How can a programme, specifically about television drama, featuring contributions by only those supposedly in the know, get such a fundamentally basic fact wrong? It’s not as though we’re expecting them to know in which story the Zarbi appeared or anything overly-complicated like that! No, that’s one of the jobs of the Executive Producer of “Doctor Who”, Julie Gardner, who, judging from recent comments, is both patronising and ignorant about the series to which she contributes!!

And, if the makers of this particular countdown don’t know which Doctor David TENnant is, or can’t be bothered to look it up, why should I believe anything else in the programme? The clips didn’t feature John Pertwee or Peter Davidson, or even Jon Pertwee and Peter Davison, but did include Christopher Eccleston as opposed to his impostor Christopher Ecclestone! (And the point of the above picture? Absolutely no point at all other than to illustrate the meaningless waste of time that was “The 50 Greatest TV Dramas” with an image of an attractive-looking but ultimately-vacuous miss or two, no doubt with their heads full of equally useless information!) You just gotta love misinformation!!

I’ll Cry if I Want to

“Cry-Baby” is one of those rare things, a musical where just about every song is a winner and it’s damn good fun into the bargain. I haven’t seen it in a while but I remember many of the tunes, and much of the stylish imagery, as if I’d watched it yesterday! The bikes, Iggy Pop, “Square” posh girl Allison Vernon-Williams (Amy Locane) waiting outside the prison for her “Drapes” bad boy, the hilarious helicopter-attempted breakout, juvenile delinquent Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker (Johnny Depp) getting his hair shorn while inside, ex-porn star Traci Lords and the Swedish au pair invited to stay at her home, chat show host Ricki Lake’s power-exclamation “Our bosoms are our weapons, girls”, the at-first hesitant rendition of “Mr Sandman”, not to mention the skirts getting ripped off during the manic motorcycle finale!!

The film was shot mostly in director John Waters’ hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, USA, as indeed are many of his movies. The gorgeous Rachel Sweet did the singing for the equally gorgeous Amy Locane. I’ve got a couple of Rachel’s albums and saw her live on campus, as part of the second Stiff Records tour, as an undergraduate in the Portland Building at Nottingham University. It’s permanently etched on my mind because, as soon as she appeared on stage, a male member of the audience shouted, “I’m stiff”, at which she, and everybody else, rocked with laughter! No doubt she was probably thinking, “bloody students”!! Anyway, “Cry-Baby” is a little gem of a movie and well worth looking out.