From Russia with Love?

It really is a bit chilly in West Kensington at this time of year, even allowing for global warming, so I was thinking that ex-“Celebrity Big Brother” contestant Danielle Lloyd was just a teeny weenie bit ill-advised to go out on a photo shoot wearing nothing save a skimpy bikini, despite its fetching shade of yellow matching that of her oversized prop! But then, as everyone knows, this particular model isn’t renowned for the size of her brain!! Quite why she would promote the launch of some ski company, so inappropriately dressed, is beyond me? Wouldn’t you dress up warmly to go skiing, to ward off the possibility of catching a slight chill?! And, what’s a weapon of mass destruction got to do with taking a vacation?!!

In some shots the “lovely” Danielle is wearing an ushanka (Russian fur cap with ear flaps) like a spy in a cold war “Bond” movie, or my old choirmaster! And, in others, the wee lassie sports a pair of moon boots which put me in mind of Jon Pertwee’s autobiography “Moon Boots and Dinner Suits”. There are even pictures in which she is wearing both and thus seems, all things considered, a little overdressed! If Miss Lloyd wrote her autobiography, no doubt with the help of a ghostwriter, maybe she could call it “Moon Boots and Birthday Suits”! It’s all a little bizarre, though, in that it’s not entirely clear what this company is trying to say through their advertising campaign. Something along the lines of… Come on a skiing holiday with us and you’ll meet a totally gorgeous babe wearing next to nothing, out in the snow, but beware of the tanks because, like The Stranglers’ song says, they can maim?

Pretty Vacant

Channel 4’s expulsion of “Big Brother” contestant Emily Parr, for the use of racist language directed at a fellow housemate, strikes me as something of an excessive response! Emily was with Charley and Nicky in the garden of the Big Brother House, at approximately 8.30pm the night before last, when she was heard to say “Are you pushing it out you nigger?” to Charley. I believe they were dancing together at the time. There are no excuses, of course, but there may be all sorts of reasons why Ms Parr said it. She’s nineteen and the young aren’t particularly careful with their use of language, although she does aspire to be an actress and has already participated in productions of quality writing so, one might assume from this angle, she should know better! She may have had too much to drink? She may have assumed the language acceptable as the offending word can be found on every other rap record, ironically often performed by black “artistes”, with which she’s no doubt familiar from nights spent clubbing! For Emily to even think that what she said was ok, though, is a little naïve considering the “Celebrity Big Brother” incident earlier this year!!

And, it’s in comparing the rapid response to Emily’s faux pas with the tortured debate that followed the Shilpa Shetty skirmish that one is left wondering about double standards. Why weren’t the three offending women from the earlier confrontation also immediately ejected? Could they have been allowed to remain in the programme because they’re pampered “celebrities”, using the loosest sense of that word, or have Channel 4 genuinely reviewed their policy subsequently, regarding the use of language, for fear of losing, sorry offending, viewers? What would the television company do if everyone decided to use the same word for the hell of it?! If they are worried about causing offence in this way, I trust that all programmes will be edited accordingly and that there will no longer be any swearing on television! Similarly, there was an incident recently in which several female housemates chased Ziggy with the intention of removing his swimming shorts. While he may have enjoyed the attention, had it been the other way round, and several men chasing a young female with the intention of removing her bikini bottom, I suspect a charge of indecent assault would’ve followed! Different strokes for different folks, anyone?!!

This Little Piggy Went to Market!

The unfortunate creature, in the picture above, found itself in a spot of bother during the first part of a story from the Christopher Eccleston season of “Doctor Who”, in an episode entitled “Aliens of London”. It was all about a family of extraterrestrial beings, the Slitheen, who take over the bodies of humans but with what can only be described as inappropriate social skills! In one sense, the pictured animal is not out of place amongst such company. But, in light of what seems to have been a major talking point over the last week or so, maybe it would’ve been more apt had this little piggy appeared in episode twelve, “Bad Wolf”, and, in particular, in the segments devoted to “Big Brother”!

I’m not a fan of reality TV shows but it would be wrong of me to suggest that everybody who has ever appeared in one is a no-hoper. While some well-marketed, but set to self-destruct, contestants gas ignorantly in every direction, there are those, although very few in number, who genuinely have talent. It might be because they have come from a privileged background but there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, thank heavens! Without aspiring individuals, there would be no Symphony Orchestras and the world would, indeed, be a truly poorer place. Spiritually, not economically. Perhaps Classical music isn’t your cup of tea. But, without these highly trained musicians, just imagine what “Eleanor Rigby” would’ve sounded like?

One such particular person to come to the fore, through a reality television show, is Myleene Klass. She is 28 now but her “big break” came six years ago in an ITV1 show called “Popstars”. That’s not what’s important though. What is important is that she started learning the violin and piano at the age of four. She took up the harp at the age of twelve. She received an A grade in A level Music. I could continue but you get the idea. She is very accomplished, and probably because she is a very determined young woman. You can see it in her face. There are many in the “music business” (and what does business have to do with music?) who claim to write their own material that couldn’t tell a piece of manuscript paper from a piece of toilet paper! Whilst co-hosting “CD:UK”, Myleene presented some rapper, whose name I forget, with a framed notation of one of his “songs”. When she is obviously skilled, I wonder what she hopes to achieve by going down the populist route? Whatever happened to violinist Vanessa Mae?

Now, of course, after appearing scantily clad in another reality show, Myleene is best known for taking showers in a variety of different coloured bikinis. There is nothing wrong with that in itself. She is a beautiful girl with a beautiful body. It’s the spin the media put on it that should perhaps be questioned. And yet, I’m sure she knows what she’s doing. There is a set of photos, and you can’t tell from just a single image, showing Myleene with her ex-Hear’Say band mate Suzanne Shaw, out on the town, and it is quite clear which of the two girls is in control. Ms Shaw is hanging on for dear life while Myleene is obviously trying to get her associate away from the glare of the photographers. Anyway, make up your own mind. Below are a couple of galleries showing Myleene looking far more sporty than Melanie C ever did!

Who’s Who?

Celebrity is a strange business. Look at the career of Billie Piper! One minute she is a crap, though commercially-successful, pop star, the next a much-admired, in some quarters, “Doctor Who” companion. But, in the blink of an eye, she’s moved on to star in prestigious costume dramas. ITV1 is about to launch a new SF series, with the intention of rivalling the adventures of the great Time Lord, called “Primeval”. And, guess what? It stars ex-pop star Hannah Spearritt from cheesy pop combo S Club (7). Coincidence or deliberate strategy? It’s all about a time rift! Now there’s an original idea!! I wonder where we’ve heard that one before?!!

Hannah’s ex-band mate Jo O’Meara has just popped up again on telly. In an even more bizarre twist, she’s appearing alongside eccentric, but wildly-brilliant, film director Ken Russell in “Celebrity Big Brother 5”. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried! None of the non-entities knew of him or any of his work. He had Alan Bates and Oliver Reed indulging in a spot of nude wrestling long before Russell T thought it oh-so-modern to have a couple of guys playing tonsil tennis on prime time. I won’t be eulogising over “Bog Bother” as I absolutely abhor the concept and the exceptionally un-divine Davina.

And, while Ms O’Meara wastes her time trying to rekindle her career, I will, at least, be tuning in to Hannah’s drama. There’s the clue... Drama. Let’s have more of it on TV. I’ll, no doubt, post more on “Primeval” later. Meanwhile, which pop stars are likely to appear in a science fiction drama next? It’s only a matter of time. After all, Charlotte Church, Jennifer Ellison and Rachel Stevens, yet another ex-S Clubber (you’ve got to be careful how you say that!), have already been suggested as possible replacements for Billie Piper in “Doctor Who”!! See below to help imagine them in the part!!!