Terminus

This month sees both the third anniversary of TimeWarden’s Journal, hence the increased activity over the last few weeks, and the first anniversary of my music-clip blog, TimeWarden’s Jukebox, the latter originating as a Photo-log entitled “Editions of You” (after the Roxy Music song from their second album “For Your Pleasure”). But, as you can see, my transport is waiting so it’s time for me to depart. Six months ago, I decided to stop blogging but then, before you could say Russell T. Davies, I gave myself what has turned out to be only a temporary reprieve. That was on my 203rd post and here I am 58 posts later, writing my 261st, saying cheerio once again! My reasons for calling it a day are manifold but I won’t bore you all to death with going into every single one of them. The bottom line is, I don’t really know what the point is, of writing great eulogies that hardly anybody reads. I’ve never courted popularity, and absolutely detest cliques, which means I must’ve been writing primarily to entertain myself. If someone else enjoyed what I’ve written, along the way, that is an added bonus.

I set up TimeWarden’s Journal primarily to write about new “Doctor Who”. But, the tables finally turned against the programme with the content of last season’s finale, “Last of the Time Lords”, the worst-ever episode in the forty-five year history of the time traveller’s adventures. As if to compound the injury, it was immediately followed by the announcement of the return of Catherine Tate. I couldn’t really get a handle on what seem to me to be bizarre production decisions. It wasn’t just those two things, of course, but a continued lack of quality over three years culminating in the absolute garbage of wife abuse and mistreatment of the elderly as family entertainment. It proves to me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Rusty and his sycophantic cronies are beyond any truly creative narratives in the science fantasy department. I don’t want to spend a quarter of this year negatively reviewing a programme I no longer enjoy anywhere near as much as I once did. And, I certainly don’t want to post a further thirteen images of Catherine Tate, to accompany each critique, when I loathe the very sight of the woman. I can’t think of anything worse except being forced to watch Fiona Phillips, over my breakfast, on the so-abysmal-it-should-be-banned GMTV!

So, that’s it. This blog is no more. It ceases to be. It has expired and gone to meet its maker. Shame, really, as I rather like the TimeWarden moniker! There are many other things I could write about, important issues such as who on earth buys Bobby Billions and Barmy Bierkeller CDs when the pair are so bereft of any talent, musical or otherwise; why no-one should vote at the next General Election and why this country ever abandoned capital punishment. As if the latter needed debating! Still, returning to the trivial, now I might actually find the time to watch some of the television I despise so much but, somehow, I doubt it! A few words of wisdom before I take my leave. Never accept received opinion. Always consider something first hand. And, trust me when I tell you the Sylvester McCoy era is better than the David Tennant one. So long, and thanks for all the fish!

“I’ll see you again, Mister!”

Martha Jones returned to our screens on Wednesday evening, at 9:50pm on BBC Three, in the sixth episode of Series Two of “Torchwood”. The first of Freema Agyeman’s three-story foray, into the dark and sinister underbelly of what passes for life in Cardiff, went by the name of “Reset”, a very appropriate title for an instalment of a series devised by Russell T. Davies! The number of episodes, in both “Doctor Who” and “Torchwood”, that could’ve adequately used that designation, I’ll leave for you to work out!! It was nice to see Freema back because, of all the companions to have appeared in “Doctor Who” since its return in 2005, she’s the one I like the best. That doesn’t mean I’m immensely fond of her, it simply means I can tolerate her more than the rest of the sorry bunch.

I don’t like Rose. We’d never have guessed, I hear you cry. The reason I don’t like Billie’s character is because she’s a snivelling wimp. She didn’t bring “Doctor Who” into the 21st Century as many of her fans claim. She represents a huge step backwards in the emancipation of the female companion. Sophie Aldred was the step forward “Doctor Who” fandom should be acknowledging. Can you see pouty Billie knocking all hell out of a Dalek with a baseball bat? No companion had done that before and none have done it since!

Then, there was Donna. Another bloody housing estate chav! Couldn’t we have followed with someone to contrast the socially challenged Tylers? It doesn’t make television any more real wallowing in common. In fact, it gives nothing to aspire to. With Donna, gone were the teardrops of Rosie, it was in with the mouth and one slightly extended episode of her was just about enough, thank you very much.

Series Three, and in came a character training to be a Doctor. A proper one, you understand, studying for qualifications and everything! At last, someone for young girls to look up to. The trouble with Miss Jones was that Freema, though full of the kind of enthusiasm I find endearing, still sounded like a bloody chav. This was in no small way because of the writing. Take the title of this post, her last line in her last episode (of the last series), “Last of the Time Lords”… why couldn’t she have said, “I’ll see you again, Doctor”? Ace would’ve said, “I’ll see you again, Professor” which still contains a mark of respect. Mister sounds common, despite Freema’s attempt to give it a positive spin, and not like someone with the intelligence and staying power to spend seven years at University training to be a medic! It sounds like Donna. And it sounds like Rose. I can’t say it sounds like Astrid because she had no personality at all, worth speaking of!

Anyway, in the latest episode of the sci-fi spin-off that is “Torchwood”, nice Jim Robinson (off of “Neighbours”!) turns nasty and straps the shapely Miss Martha to an operating table in order to have his wicked way with her, lucky fella! Whatever next? Well, he gets even madder with the interfering do-gooders and sees red after pointing a shotgun at Owen!!

“Come with me, if you wanna live!”

“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” starts in the UK, on Virgin1 (Freeview 20), in a week’s time on Thursday, 21 February at 10pm. All you have to do is remember to switch over immediately after episode three of “Ashes to Ashes”! The story picks up where the second movie, “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”, left off. Like “Bionic Woman”, which we’re still waiting for ITV2 to broadcast, the lead is played by an English actress. Lena Headey takes over from Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor. She is the mother of John Connor. John is only fifteen years old at this stage of the story but, as we all know, is destined to become the future leader of the human resistance. He’s played by Thomas Dekker. Sarah is seen as a deranged fugitive by the authorities, who do not believe her story about the Terminators. Lena was cast after Series creator Josh Friedman watched her audition tape, and thought she was “a tough, tough woman”!

Like the second sequel in the movie franchise, “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines”, the TV series features a female Terminator although this one is sent back from the year 2027 to protect John Connor. Her model and exact capabilities have not yet been revealed. She can mimic human mannerisms better than the T-800 model, and possibly consume food. Her name is Cameron Phillips, presumably after the director of the first two movies, James Cameron. She’s played by Summer Glau, probably best known to genre fans as River from Joss Whedon’s space western “Serenity”. The Connors are pursued by FBI agent James Ellison played by Richard T. Jones. Lena Headey’s Sarah Connor has already been criticised, in the States, for not being as muscular as Linda Hamilton, in “T2”, but I think the new series should be worth a look despite, obviously, being made on a smaller budget than that first sequel!

The Greatest Show in the Galaxy

I’m surprised that so many “Doctor Who” fans are actually going to stick with Season Four of the new version. Some of the same people who abandoned the series when Bonnie Langford joined, mid-80s, are actually prepared to persevere with the latest, vastly inferior, product that slick marketing insists is marvellous!! Well, it isn’t, in any way, excellent. I’ve stayed loyal to the programme for well over forty years and can highly recommend to those fans, who’ve never actually watched the last couple of seasons of its original run, that they are missing out on at least four of the finest stories in the show’s history.

In 2008, under Russell T. Davies, “Doctor Who” is now only “Doctor Who” in title. It bears absolutely no resemblance to the show I loved between 1963 and 1989, and remembered fondly thereafter. Rusty arrived, 2005, and messed with the format, story structures, characters and changed the entire feel of the programme. “Survival”, episode three, is recognisably the same series as “An Unearthly Child” 26 years earlier. I still regard those three decades as having delivered “The Greatest Show in the Galaxy” and, nearly two decades after it finished, I’m still waiting for the return of “Doctor Who”! Yes, I know, I’m going to have a long wait!!

Alyson burns Rubber!

Proof, were it needed, that show runner Russell T. Davies nicks all his lousy ideas for “Doctor Who” from Joss Whedon’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. Where do you think Rusty pinched the line used in “The Christmas Invasion”, “Don’t you think she looks tyred?”, if not from eyeing sexy lesbian witch Willow Rosenberg wrapped in eraser?

Red hot “American Pie” actress Alyson Hannigan certainly knows how to play her instrument too, toots, memorably exclaiming, in rather breathy tones, that “This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.”! We’ve seen his Spike in “Touchwood”, so I wonder how many inches it’ll be before RTD uses Michelle Flaherty’s little quim in one of his fine productions?

also starring Barry Morse

I was saddened to hear of the death of actor Barry Morse this week. He passed away on the morning of February 2nd, aged 89. Although, perhaps, equally well known for roles in “The Fugitive”, “The Adventurer” and “The Zoo Gang”, in which he worked alongside John Mills, Barry will forever remain etched in my mind as Professor Victor Bergman in the first and best series of Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s “Space: 1999”. He was, himself, highly critical of the series, particularly the writing, and rightly so. It does leave a lot to be desired, as much as I love the series. But, he did bring rationality to many of the plots and his character helped ground the series in science, however implausible that science was! If he found his season often ludicrous, Lord knows what he would’ve made of the second and final year…

When Barry Morse left “Space: 1999”, to be replaced by the female metamorph Maya played by Catherine Schell, a cure-all serving the same function as K-9 in “Doctor Who”, the series went downhill as logic departed with him. Even when the crew of Moonbase Alpha ostensibly meet “God” during Barry’s time on the show, in an episode entitled “Black Sun”, there is a feeling of gentle but assured scepticism emanating from the good Professor. He was a solver of problems, rather than a quick fixer, in much the same way as earlier incarnations of the Doctor, when compared to those of the present day, and remains an approach to storytelling much to be admired. Series Two of “Space: 1999” might be fun but it is poor science fiction just as present day “Doctor Who” languishes in mediocrity. I continue to miss the kind of television Barry’s character represents.

Agent Provocateur

Holly Willoughby is a birthday girl! She’s 27 today!! When I wrote my post on her, three days ago, I didn’t know that; so, it gives me a further opportunity to stick up her picture on my blog… Yeah, any old excuse!

To be honest, I’m not really sure whether or not I find Holly attractive. She’s undeniably sexy but being attractive is a different thing altogether. The girl is all front, if you know what I mean, but attractiveness requires something going on up top other than big knockers!

Still, even though I don’t watch Miss Willoughby’s show, I hope she has a nice day. She’s at an age when birthdays still mean something, although she says there is nothing she wants. What do you buy a girl who, probably, already has everything? Well, she answered that one with, “As long as I get some Agent Provocateur underwear, I’ll be happy.” You and me both, love! I think my budget could stretch to that… Yes, I’m sure I can rise to the occasion!! The old ones are the best, eh?

Anyway, Happy Birthday to the dolly that is Holly!

Pounding the Beat

Gene Hunt returned, last night, his reputation preceding him! And, I was along for the ride in the back of his Audi Quattro!! What a trip it was too. Laying my cards right on the table, I loved the opening episode of the new eight-part series “Ashes to Ashes”, successor to “Life on Mars”. I never got into the Seventies show which is strange in itself because that was the decade in which I grew up. The soundtrack is an important feature of both series and yet the Eighties was the decade when I began to lose interest in pop music of the time. But the producers have been clever enough to set the new show in 1981, before the Eighties have really gotten into full swing, which enables them to carry on using the music of the Seventies! Smart move!! Thus, many of the featured bands/artists originate, or were at their peak of success, in the preceding ten years. I absolutely adored the moment Gene and his fellow coppers sped through the Thames, in hot pursuit, to the guitar-crunching, keyboard-swirling, Hugh Cornwell-snarling sound of The Stranglers! I was at Uni in ’81, in the last year of my first degree, in a band called The Disturbed, and “No More Heroes” was one of a few cover versions we played to much acclaim. It was our calling card, if you like, and the energy of this particular scene, in “Ashes to Ashes”, brought it all back.

“No More Heroes” wasn’t the only song in the first episode to bring on feelings of nostalgia. Bizarrely, the show featured both “Vienna” by Ultravox and “I’m in Love with a German Film Star” by The Passions and I can clearly remember buying both records on the same day in Woolworths, in Beeston, while studying at Nottingham. There are so many records they could’ve chosen so it really made me sit up and take notice when the second of the pair filtered its way into my consciousness! As a teenager in the Seventies, two of my major influences were Roxy Music and David Bowie. Again, both featured in episode one. “Ashes to Ashes”, the song, is actually a sequel to the “2001: A Space Odyssey”-influenced Sixties hit “Space Oddity”, not the track “Life on Mars”, and details what happened to Major Tom once he returned to Earth from his voyage in space. The line “I’m happy, hope you’re happy too” was one of the driving forces of the narrative. Meanwhile, “Same Old Scene” by Roxy Music, from their penultimate album “Flesh and Blood”, closed the show, suggesting the familiar setup of the previous series is firmly re-established. For me, though, the male/female dynamic, of the two leads, is a more interesting one than the male/male partnership of the previous programme, and that’s despite my fondness for “The Sweeney”. Oh, and isn’t Montserrat Lombard cute as newcomer WPC Sharon “Shaz” Granger!

Double Standards!

I can’t believe the fuss viewers have made over the, admittedly, eye-popping white dress worn by Holly Willoughby on a recent edition of “Dancing on Ice”. Complainants say she might as well have done the show topless. I wish she had. It might have been worth watching then. I’ve no doubt the parents of those eight and ten-year-old children watching before bedtime, who were so shocked, didn’t bat an eyelid when their kids watched John Simm punch David Tennant in the face last year! Violence is ok, then, but when faced with a perfectly covered pair of big breasts, there’s all hell to pay. Double standards methinks! Anyone who allows a child under the age of twelve to view the episodes on the recently released Season Three “Doctor Who” box set is actually breaking the law, despite it originally transmitting at 7pm, so why all the hullabaloo over a pretty girl flaunting her tits. She’s looking for more work and that’s how you get it in television, by selling yourself. These are her assets and very beautiful ones they are too. Besides, there’s probably not much else going on up top for most of these here today gone tomorrow starlets!

I remember seeing Holly a few years back on the Saturday morning kids show “Ministry of Mayhem”, while waiting to see “Gerry Anderson’s New Captain Scarlet” you understand, and she regularly wore precious little on those occasions! One time she was in a bikini and grass skirt ready for her usual soaking. Did anyone complain then, when the average age of the viewer (apart from myself and like-minded fans!) was probably even younger? Nope, and I bet all the Dads lapped it up as she stood there nearly naked, soaked to the skin, water dripping off her chin! I’m sure you get the picture!! She’s moved into mainstream telly with her latest venture, wears a lovely evening dress, and is chastised by a bunch of puritans for her trouble. The nanny state has truly gone berserk. It’s not like she sat there with her legs spread before the watershed… better stop myself before I get too carried away!!! She toned down her appearance a week later which is a shame because it’s like admitting she was wrong in simply looking beautiful. Next time, ask your kids if they think she looks pretty!

More of ITV4

As of today, ITV4 will broadcast 24 Hours a day. Up to now, the channel has only been broadcasting between 6pm and 6am but viewers will immediately be able to watch its output anytime of the day. ITV4 began broadcasting on 1 November, 2005 and the mix of shows has, pretty much, remained constant ever since. I noticed a slight decline in the number of showings of old ITC series, of late, but the station will need to fill the schedules with something and I don’t suppose it will include any new programming just more screenings of what has already been bought in!

Shows on offer have included many British drama series originally aired in the Sixties, a handful from the Seventies and the odd one or two from the Eighties. These are interspersed with imports from the States including “The X-Files” spin-off “Millennium”, “Homicide: Life on the Street” and long-running sitcom “Married… with Children” co-starring the lovely Christina Applegate!

As you might expect, I favour the Brit shows! I’m still waiting to catch Harriet Philpin in one of the Douglas Camfield-directed episodes of “The Sweeney” entitled “Thou Shalt Not Kill”. She’s better known to “Doctor Who” fans as Bettan, appearing in the latter half of “Genesis of the Daleks”. More generally, if you’re a fan of “The New Avengers” you might like to try “The Professionals”, created by the same team of Albert Fennell and Brian Clemens. Dennis Waterman can be seen in “Minder”, as well as “The Sweeney”, on ITV4 but my main reason for tuning in, being a Gerry Anderson and SF fan, is both “Space: 1999” and, especially, its forerunner “UFO”.

I recently had the pleasure of watching one of my favourite episodes of “Space: 1999” on the channel, “War Games” co-starring Anthony Valentine and Isla Blair. When I first watched the episode, in my mid-teens, I remember being totally shocked by the death of series regular Doctor Bob Mathias, sucked out into space near the beginning of the story! I had yet to fully take on board the Gerry Anderson plot algorithm of the reset button now so beloved, but not nearly as well utilised, by Russell T. Davies!

I’ve also recently rewatched the “UFO” episodes “Reflections in the Water” and “The Long Sleep”. Both excellent. The latter features Tessa Wyatt as Catherine Frazer waking from a ten year coma with news of a possibly devastating hidden bomb on a farmyard that could rip England in half. She’s the former wife of ex-Radio 1 DJ Tony Blackburn but don’t hold that against her! Give the channel a go and root out some buried treasure… you might be lucky enough to ogle Erotica from “Up Pompeii”, gorgeous Georgina Moon, in her other famous role as Skydiver Operative Lt. Sylvia Howell in one of her eight episodes of “UFO”!