Baptism Of Fire

The Doctor Who production team have confirmed that Jenna-Louise Coleman will first be seen as the Doctor’s new companion in the series on Christmas Day. The actress was briefly questioned about her new role when she appeared on This Morning recently, alongside Perdita Weeks, to promote ITV1’s Titanic. Her lips were sealed, however, as she wasn’t giving anything away! It’s still not known what will be the name of her character or if Karen Gillan’s Amy Pond will leave during the same episode or exit during the previous story. I still predict Amy will depart on Christmas Day. There are many examples to back either possibility, of course, littered throughout the programme’s history. Katy Manning’s Jo Grant left at the end of The Green Death to be replaced by Elisabeth Sladen’s Sarah Jane Smith in the following story, The Time Warrior, whereas Bonnie Langford’s Mel left in Dragonfire, the same story in which Sophie Aldred’s Ace arrived. We’ll just have to wait and see.

On the scripting front, if you enjoyed the Doctor Who episodes School Reunion, The Vampires Of Venice and The God Complex, in the revival of the series, then you’ll be pleased to learn that, despite his writing commitments on horror comedy Being Human, Toby Whithouse will be returning to everyone’s favourite science fiction series for its Seventh Season. It’s believed he will be penning one of the early episodes so will be writing one of Amy’s final tales. It has also been decided there will be no two-parters this time around which, I think, is a shame. It’s the only real opportunity for a story to develop and allow an audience to get to know some of the peripheral characters, as well as build up to an increasingly rare but all-important cliff-hanger… even if they are not always resolved that convincingly, it’s still fun to include them. So, it only remains to wish you all a very Happy Easter and send Jenna-Louise Coleman best wishes as she is thrown in at the deep end!

Holly’s humongous hooters!

Lest there be any misunderstanding, I am of course referring in my post title to the inordinate amount of maternity leave taken recently by Holly Willoughby from ITV1’s flagship weekday magazine programme This Morning. I mean, what a hoot! You’ve got to hand it to her… the sheer audacity of the woman. She managed to conceive the child so that her time off ‘work’, post childbirth, would run straight into her summer break. Talk about having it made. And, presumably, all the time she would be on a retainer. How else can you account for the fact that, every show, she looks as though she’s stepped straight from a clothing catalogue? Every edition, a different outfit - each designed to show off her assets! If only all mothers had the luxury of being paid to bring up a family on money that’s ostensibly for presenting a television series. I’m sure there isn’t a person in the world who wouldn’t love a similar, all-expenses-paid, protracted holiday!

Holly Willoughby isn’t the first television ‘personality’ to hustle herself some extended paid leave. Natasha Kaplinsky pulled the same trick on Channel 5. No sooner had she acquired the plum position of presenting the early evening news than she, too, took maternity leave. Following her return to work, she ‘fell’ pregnant again and needed more time away. After delivering her second child, she quit her post as the station’s news anchor having presented hardly anything while on the job, so to speak! And, now, Jenni Falconer’s at it! This onetime GMTV presenter filled in on This Morning for Willobooby, as idiot Keith Lemon refers to her (I wonder what’s the key to Holly’s success?!), during her time out. I imagine Falconer will also return, in her case to the BBC’s lottery-presenting game - once the services of a nanny have been acquired. I recommend Alan Sugar, or at least someone with similar inclinations, head one or other of these broadcasting corporations in order to stamp out the abuse of such privileges! Ask these women, before they’re offered a prestigious post in live media, if they intend having a family.

And what are Holly’s qualifications to front This Morning anyway, pregnant or otherwise? Like her co-presenter, Phillip Schofield, she started out in children’s television. Nothing wrong with that except it doesn’t necessarily make you a serious journalist! Some of the subjects that arise on the programme make her unsuitable for the job. She can deal with the fluff alright. She’s in her element discussing all the latest soap updates or X Factor shite. But when it comes to dealing with serious stories like serial killer Fred West or interviewing nurse Rebecca Leighton in connection with saline poisoning, Holly hardly says boo to a goose. Schofield isn’t much better, to be honest, desperately attempting a grim expression while Booby checks to see if her tits are still there! There’s almost a sense of relief when the programme repeats the competition for the umpteenth boring time. Treating the viewer with a considerable degree of respect, to help ‘steal’ the cash required to pay the presenters’ inflated salaries, a question is patronisingly posed for which you might win the princely sum of £25,000 (for the price of a premium rate phone call!)… Who has the biggest breasts on daytime television - is it A) Jeremy Kyle, B) Matthew Wright, or C) Holly Willoughby?

Bryan Ferry - To Make You Feel My Love

(intro)

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love.

When evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong,
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong…

I would go hungry, I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue,
Oh, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
To make you feel my love.

(instrumental)

The storms are raging on the rolling sea,
And on the highway of regret,
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet…

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true,
Oh, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
Go to the ends of the earth for you,
To make you feel my love.