As Time Goes… Bye!

What do you think is the ratio between sports programming and music broadcasts on British television? You might think it an unfair question, given that the Olympics is almost upon us and, therefore, a disproportionate amount of time will be spent on the former than is usually the case. This is not so. This year’s season of the greatest music festival in the world, The Proms, has been running nearly a fortnight, of its eight-week duration, with even less airtime devoted to it than in previous years. I have often relied on the late-night repeats and, this time around, they are nowhere to be found! What little there is, and I applaud the Beethoven cycle of Symphonies under Barenboim, even though I haven’t managed to see a single concert, is, as usual, relegated to minority-interest channel BBC Four. Even the simultaneously aggressive-and-tender music of the composer I regard as being the original Sex Pistol, Ludwig van, is deemed not being accessible enough for a mainstream audience on BBC One. Is the corporate world of television seriously trying to hard-sell me the notion that the sight of sweaty athletes, attempting to better one another by nothing more than a few nanoseconds, in a tournament designed to be just one step removed from all-out war, is somehow preferable to some of the most powerful music ever written, and performed, no doubt, with great gusto by the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra?

I don’t want to be sent packing to catch-up on the BBC’s iPlayer either. Why is television constantly trying to rid itself of its audience? Recently, I would like to have seen Christopher Eccleston and MyAnna Buring in the three-part BBC One serial Blackout, on Monday nights. Similarly, I would like to have watched Kenneth Branagh and Sarah Smart in the third series of Wallander, on Sunday evenings. But, one transmission of each episode and it’s done! Why no repeats? Why the lack of broadmindedness of scheduling that assumes we can all be in front of the box at 9pm on those particular days? Conversely, ITV3, and ITV4 to some extent, functions too far in the opposite direction. Everyone must’ve seen every episode of Frost, Foyle and Fogle by now! Many, many times!! Whodunit? We already bloody know, thank you very much for nothing… there ought to be a law against it! ITV have a massive back catalogue, surely, from which to choose? I would like to see the 1999, Survivors-style, six-part serial The Last Train repeated, especially as it isn’t available on DVD, but not repeatedly repeated! It would make a change, even though there aren’t any detectives in it!! It does boast a superlative music score by Poirot composer Christopher Gunning, if that’s any help.

Finally, I come to the scheduling of the next series of Doctor Who. Has anyone in its potential audience questioned why the Seventh Season is being spread across two years? Clearly, it is to save money, cash possibly spent on the Olympic Games. And just as the programme approaches its Fiftieth Anniversary when, maybe, one might expect the BBC to be spending a little more on it, rather than less! Heaven knows, sales of all things Doctor Who-related have helped keep the licence fee as low as possible, even when the show was on its extended extended break between 1989 and 2005!! It really is a crafty way for the BBC to be able to say there were new adventures in both 2012 and 2013 while only spending money on one set of episodes, and without the need to incur any extra expense with “specials”, as in 2009. Perhaps there will be a Series Eight starting in September 2013, a year after Series Seven, but it doesn’t seem likely. So just how, exactly, will BBC One celebrate, come November 2013? I’m curious to know. Drama repeats aren’t really their style, as I’ve previously explained. Episodes from the modern era are oft-repeated, but on BBC Three and always at the same time, never giving a different audience the opportunity to see them. Classic episodes hardly ever, not even to mourn the passing recently of companion Caroline John. Confidential-type documentaries might’ve been plausible if that series hadn’t been axed. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Unfortunately, I won’t be here to report on it as… That’s all, folks!!! My taxi is waiting and I’m off to paradise…

Terminus

This month sees both the third anniversary of TimeWarden’s Journal, hence the increased activity over the last few weeks, and the first anniversary of my music-clip blog, TimeWarden’s Jukebox, the latter originating as a Photo-log entitled “Editions of You” (after the Roxy Music song from their second album “For Your Pleasure”). But, as you can see, my transport is waiting so it’s time for me to depart. Six months ago, I decided to stop blogging but then, before you could say Russell T. Davies, I gave myself what has turned out to be only a temporary reprieve. That was on my 203rd post and here I am 58 posts later, writing my 261st, saying cheerio once again! My reasons for calling it a day are manifold but I won’t bore you all to death with going into every single one of them. The bottom line is, I don’t really know what the point is, of writing great eulogies that hardly anybody reads. I’ve never courted popularity, and absolutely detest cliques, which means I must’ve been writing primarily to entertain myself. If someone else enjoyed what I’ve written, along the way, that is an added bonus.

I set up TimeWarden’s Journal primarily to write about new “Doctor Who”. But, the tables finally turned against the programme with the content of last season’s finale, “Last of the Time Lords”, the worst-ever episode in the forty-five year history of the time traveller’s adventures. As if to compound the injury, it was immediately followed by the announcement of the return of Catherine Tate. I couldn’t really get a handle on what seem to me to be bizarre production decisions. It wasn’t just those two things, of course, but a continued lack of quality over three years culminating in the absolute garbage of wife abuse and mistreatment of the elderly as family entertainment. It proves to me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Rusty and his sycophantic cronies are beyond any truly creative narratives in the science fantasy department. I don’t want to spend a quarter of this year negatively reviewing a programme I no longer enjoy anywhere near as much as I once did. And, I certainly don’t want to post a further thirteen images of Catherine Tate, to accompany each critique, when I loathe the very sight of the woman. I can’t think of anything worse except being forced to watch Fiona Phillips, over my breakfast, on the so-abysmal-it-should-be-banned GMTV!

So, that’s it. This blog is no more. It ceases to be. It has expired and gone to meet its maker. Shame, really, as I rather like the TimeWarden moniker! There are many other things I could write about, important issues such as who on earth buys Bobby Billions and Barmy Bierkeller CDs when the pair are so bereft of any talent, musical or otherwise; why no-one should vote at the next General Election and why this country ever abandoned capital punishment. As if the latter needed debating! Still, returning to the trivial, now I might actually find the time to watch some of the television I despise so much but, somehow, I doubt it! A few words of wisdom before I take my leave. Never accept received opinion. Always consider something first hand. And, trust me when I tell you the Sylvester McCoy era is better than the David Tennant one. So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Hole - Celebrity Skin

The video of “Celebrity Skin”, by Courtney Love’s band Hole, features the group miming the song on stage, Courtney with a pink electric guitar, as women wearing purple ball gowns descend slowly from the ceiling. As they meander around the stage, the models begin to hoist up their skirts. There are many close-ups of Courtney, showing her vivid green eyes, and also of bassist Melissa Auf der Maur. I get the feeling the clip is taking a pop at Madonna’s video of “Material Girl”, itself a tribute to Marilyn Monroe. When Hole performed at The Big Day Out in Australia, Courtney went topless for almost the entirety of the song’s duration! She managed to retain her bra at Glastonbury, however, even though she still succeeded in losing her shirt!!

After much consideration, I’ve decided to make this my last post and would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my blog over the past two-and-a-half years as well as those who have also left numerous interesting comments. Thank you. And, to finish, making reference to Jewish moneylender Shylock in Shakespeare’s “Merchant of Venice” no less, here are the lyrics of the Hole song “Celebrity Skin”…

Oh, make me over
I’m all I want to be
A walking study
In demonology

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, so glad you could make it now

Oh, look at my face
My name is might have been
My name is never was
My name’s forgotten

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, there’s only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
It’s too early for that dress
Wilted and faded somewhere in Hollywood
I’m glad I came here with your pound of flesh
No second billing ’cause you’re a star now
Oh, Cinderella, they aren’t sluts like you
Beautiful garbage, beautiful dresses
Can you stand up or will you just fall down?

You better watch out
Oh, what you wish for
It better be worth it
So much to die for

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, there’s only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
Have you ever felt so used up as this?
It’s all so sugarless, hooker/waitress
Model/actress, oh, just go nameless
Honeysuckle, she’s full of poison
She obliterated everything she kissed
Now she’s fading somewhere in Hollywood
I’m glad I came here with your pound of flesh

You want a part of me
Well, I’m not selling cheap
No, I’m not selling cheap